The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[DogMa]

Yeah, I thought it was a good sign that he didn't come in yesterday, so I figured he hadn't copied my key. But you're right, it can't hurt to change the lock (and maybe even call the alarm company and get my system re-activated). He only had a key to one door, thankfully. (Part of me thinks this really isn't going to be a concern. He has a very high security-clearance level and I know that means a lot to him, so I don't think he'd do anything to jeopardize it.)

And no, I'm definitely not letting him in again. I don't even want to meet him anywhere, to be frank. I think at this point breaking it off by phone is my best option. He left a couple of DVDs at my house; if he wants them back, I'll tell him I'd be happy to give them to his friend who lives nearby.

[dede4wd]

Robin,
I'm very sorry this is happening to you. I'm with Lauren on this one. All these grandiose gestures of romance is where it starts. I've been stalked myself and it sounds like he's got a fairy tale or a romantic comedy playing in his head.

E-mail/phone is easiest, but he might show up at your door to "talk about it." Make it a quick clean break.

Let us know what happens, because I'm worried.

DeDe

P.S. On another note, I have a couple of friends on e-harmony. One was really P.O.ed that they put his religion as Christian when he left it blank as he's agnostic. What he figured out is that Christian is the default and he got put in that category. Just letting you know one person's e-harmony situation...so if it's an issue with someone you might like otherwise, ask about it. They might be defaulted.

[DogMa]

I will. Thanks, you guys. The plan is to do it by phone before I go home, unless I get an e-mail confirming that he won't be showing up at my house tonight. And once it's done, believe me, if he shows up unannounced, I won't hesitate to call 911. And the National Guard guy who lives across the street.

And good tip on the Christian thing. I'll check them out a little more thoroughly if they sound promising otherwise.

[dede4wd]

It comforts me to know you've got a National Guardsman a scream for help away! Let us know...I worry!

DeDe

[DogMa]

I promise I'll log on tonight to let everyone know I'm OK. I'm pretty sure it'll be fine, though. I think he's basically a good guy. He's just confusing "romantic" with "overbearing and creepy."

[Tawanda]

Wow Robin.......this does sound like he has gone overboard. I suggest you change that lock and maybe even look around your house for a hidden camera or some other type of think that he might have left there --- Okay, so maybe I watched to much television!


Seriously, I'd have a locksmith get that lock changed a.s.a.p, block that door from the inside until it is done and look around your home (yeah, I'm paranoid after reading what he's done and how he is acting).

[DogMa]

I don't think I need to worry about hidden cameras - that's WAY too high-tech for him (plus he DOESN'T watch TV, so it'd never occur to him). I do know that when he was in my house, he didn't open any closed doors (both times, I stuck little slips of paper in them to test). I'll get the lock changed, though, just in case.

OK, everyone scared me enough. I just called a locksmith and he's going to come tonight and just meet me at the house.

[DonicaB]

Well, I sure hope the break-up goes smoothly.

Calling (coming by) 8 times is definitely odd behavior, especially from an adult man. I would be creeped out too.

I'm glad you called the lock-smith. Can't be too careful now-a-days.

Take Care!!!!

DonicaB

[TheShadow]

Someone told me that when they put agnostic or atheist on their e-harmony queestionairre, they got a response from e-harmony that they would be unable to find any suitable matches and to try elsewhere. And if blank defaults to Christian, I find that odd. It seems like they are making some pretty big assumptions and judgements about people.

[DogMa]

Mine are all Jewish or "no religious affiliation" or "spiritual but no religious affiliation." And then the Christian ones, who are part of the "flexible matching" where they basically match you with people who are completely not what you're looking for.

[DogMa]

So far, so good. I called him from my car, and he did get my e-mail not to come over. He said he was going to dinner with a friend, so we agreed I'd call him at 9. But I swear, he acted like he had no clue what I need to talk to him about. Sigh.

Meanwhile, the locksmith is here changing all the locks that use that key (turns out the back doors use it, too). So hopefully I'll call at 9 and that will be the end. My guess is if anything else happens, he'll stop by one day when he knows I'm out and leave the video for me. Which ... whatever.

[Sojourner]

Duuuuuude.

Eight times???? What the...?
I know one can never be too careful, but everyone's got me paranoid as hell for you! I'm totally picturing dude's basement wallpapered in photos of you, with a huge mound of chocolate-covered strawberries in the center of the room in some sort of shrine setup...with candles and stuff. OMG - Biki must be beside herself with the soap opera-ness of it all!!!

I'm so glad the locksmith is there!

[Karli]

Well, hee hee... people have been a lot more boisterous about it all than I wanted to be because I didn't want to scare you . But, I will admit, though I have been known (in my own little world and when I was 16 years old) to mildly stalk my own love interest , I feel good about you getting your door locks changed.

[alpha femme]

Meanwhile, the locksmith is here changing all the locks that use that key (turns out the back doors use it, too).

too bad i live so far away. i love a crazy hot girl, so i'm great at changing locks. i think i can do a deadbolt/handle combo in under 5.

[DogMa]

I've swapped 'em out, too (umm, after locking myself out a few times), but these I just had rekeyed because the handles were special.

Anyway, major drama last night and ... I just don't know. We had the most honest talk we've ever had - I think - and I told him I'll think about it. For starters, his uncle who has cancer, who I knew wasn't doing so well lately, apparently now is hospitalized with an infection and not expected to pull through. So I feel awful for even doing this now, but I didn't want to put it off.

So the eight visits? Apparently were his friends' idea (the ones who live nearby, who he was visiting). They wanted to invite me for dinner, and told him to keep trying, and that I'd appreciate it. Idiots.

The business about not knowing anything about what's going on in the world? He says wasn't really true, and he was acting that way because a) he liked having me explain things to him and b) he thought from something I said in my profile that I wanted someone very different (which wasn't at ALL what I said - what I said was that I really admired the relationship of my aunt and uncle, who after 50 years still adore each other, but who also maintain their own interests). He also listed a billion times he wanted to hold my hand or give me a hug or whatever and held back because he was afraid I'd think all he wanted was sex. He told me I'm beautiful and he couldn't believe I even answered his e-mails, let alone went out with him and sent him a Valentine's gift and took him out for his birthday. He said he knew this was coming and he hadn't been able to sleep or eat the past few days. Sigh.

One concern: He did ask several times if there was someone else. Jealousy issue or a natural question? I'm not sure.

And the thing Saturday night? He had set up one of his bedrooms to look like a beach because I'm from Cailfornia (although I actually don't like the beach), and we were going to watch the movie there. The video was something he had his friends do, a video of the ball dropping on New Year's Eve, because my New Year's was so bad (which it wasn't; yes, I had just put Maggie to sleep and my uncle wasn't doing so well, but he WAS out of the hospital at that point and I just worked that night as usual).

The upshot? I told him I'd think about it. He promised not to call or e-mail or anything until he heard from me. (Oh, and in the course of the conversation I actually did tell him the thing I was going to tell him a few weeks ago. Or, more accurately, he guessed it. And was fine with it.)

I just don't know. But I AM reasonably sure he's not a stalker. He hasn't come by, he didn't e-mail this morning, he hasn't called since last night.


And I realize his "strategy" doesn't make sense. But I also know people do stupid things all the time.