My friend from High School sent this to me and thought #2 & 3 were a riot...
The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers
are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words.
The following were some of this year's winning entries:
1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you
have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
5. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
6. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
7. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
8. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
9. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
10. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
11. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.