by Diana » May 8th, 2007, 11:35 pm
So, this weekend, I planted marigolds, asters, fuchsias, a rose, jasmine, lavendar, geranium, day lily and started digging up the irises and amarylis...then my shoulder died. I took ibuprophen during the whole back-to-nature experience, anticipating some muscle soreness, but ARGH!!! Actually, from what I understand from my doctor, it's the arthritis in my spine that iritates the nerves as they leave the spinal column. And it hurts from my spine all the way down to my fingers. It finally feels ok as long as I don't use my arm or shoulder. . . now that I've taken a LOT of painkillers. So, why am I on here typing?? (Answer: because I want to remember that I don't want to keep coming back to this point. I'm oscillating and it HAS to STOP!! STOP THE MADNESS!!)
I'm frustrated. I blamed my incapacity on my size. As it turns out, it was compounded by arthritis. I'm more physically capable than I have been in about 20 years. But I've got much more narrow limits than I used to. So, I'm frustrated, because I'm in pain. And that leads to grumpiness (poor Mike) because I'm either a) in pain, b) under the effects pain relieving prescriptions (I have quite a personal pharmacy), and c) frustrated with overtones of depression.
Here's the thing -- this is a HUGE food trigger for me!! Suddenly, I have NO self control. It's a good thing there's not much in the house or my classroom that isn't on plan, and most of the "stash" at home are things Mike likes, not me (like peanut butter -- blech!!). BUT I know EVERYONE on staff who has chocolate. In fact, I've even supplied a few. Usually, it's one or, in a particularly weak moment, two pieces.
But I've topped myself. I reasoned, since I can control myself at work and only have 1 piece every once in a while, I could have a private stash at home and do the same. Mike didn't even know until I told him last night. I bought a box of French truffles at Trader Joe's. 50 cal and only 4 g of sugar each. I don't know how many were in the box, but it doesn't matter. They're all gone -- gone to waist -- in 3 days. So, on top of being in pain, I'm out of the fat burning state, and even GRUMPIER!!! than usual since it's compounding the grumpy-from-pain issue. And I'm such a joy to live with like this! (Again, poor Mike. I TRY to be nice; I TRY to filter my responses and body language, but to quote Yoda, "Do or do not; there is no try.")
I need to work on my WHYs a little more regarding compliance in the area of sneaking chocolate.
Ok, so I can't do a blooming thing about the arthritis -- neither can the doctor. I can certainly get down to a healthier weight, a more attractive body, lower blood pressure, longer and more productive life.
I know when I'm weak. So, in those instances, there's PLENTY of MediFast chocolate options available (shake, pudding, bars, hot cocoa). I'll make sure I have a couple of those available (in my purse, in my desk at school) so that if I want to, I can even have an entirely chocolate day. Yeah, I know there's all kinds of research about the benefits of chocolate, particularly the dark stuff. But to be honest, I KNOW it's psychological on my part. I'm a true chocoholic.
Additionally, I'll make sure I visit my friends at work who DON'T have chocolate to readily share when I feel like I need to talk with someone. Or talk with my "chocolate" friends in settings away from their stash. And when I DO go talk to them, I'll make sure I have something in my hands (like a bottle of water or even a diet soda I really, really like).
I bought a top that's one size too small. So, I have a tangible goal. And now that most of the flowers are in the ground (Mike's going to have to plant the rest and put down the mulch), I can water to my heart's content. I miss my garden. It's on its way back now. And, really, there's no better anti-grump tool in my arsenal than live plants with pretty flowers (although I think it ties with choice napping opportunities!).
Last edited by
Diana on May 18th, 2007, 11:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Here's to our mutual success!
--Diana
That's too funny... Yeah sometimes I too wonder if I have a booger in my nose or something when I get attention like that since I've been this heavy. 
What a great day 
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