The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[dede4wd]

Hi,
I'm DeDe. I'm currently on day 1 of my re-start. I'm tipping the scales at 192.2...don't ask. I have gained 32lbs back from where I was and finally got my head clear. I guess I'm happy I learned so much about triggers and that my head was in the wrong place and that I was scared of success (as I'd gotten within 12lbs of goal). I know being strict to the program WORKS and I won't make those mistakes again...EVER!

So, I'm back, I LOVE the beef stew and I'm happy I'm starting to feel better. The whole time I was on my binge, I just didn't feel good! I can't wait to be back in the Medi-zone!

My new mantra is goal by Valentines day!

DeDe

[DogMa]

Hey, two steps forward, one step back, right? You still wind up ahead of where you started!

I'm so glad to see you back!!!

[dede4wd]

Thanks Robin!

You've been a huge influence in my decision to shut up and just get back on plan. More than you know!

DeDe

[hulagirlfromhawaii]

Thank you Dede for sharing your experience. I am getting to that point, now that I am very comfortable where I'm at and am not in a hurry to get to my goal. Maybe I have the same fear.... but never could put a finger on it... fear of actually succeeding and reaching my goal. Wow. The light just turned on for me.

Your success has been a great motivation for me since I started MF... now you continue to inspire me through your experiences and drive to continue on. Thanks again!

[Serendipity]

Dede, I miss you when you're gone. So glad you're back!

[Lauren]

Welcome back, DeDe, you were always on our mind, and we were eager to hear from you! Besides the fear of reaching goal, and all that that would encompass - have you considered that you may also have been uncomfortable with being the "success story?" It's something I am realizing right now with myself, and I thought I'd mention it to you since we've had a lot in common throughout. Having weight issues was always my "thing," my albatross, my struggle in life. Suddenly having lost my "thing," my identity seems to have been stripped. People respond to me differently, my daily life is different, and people have a different set of assumptions about me then they did just one year ago. Now I keep hearing how proud everyone is, what a success story I am, how I'm their "hero..." Hey, it's a lot of pressure! :-)

I joke about it, but I know you were getting some overwhelmingly positive feedback, and while it's very nice and flattering, it's also, well, overwhelming. It makes me feel like their happiness rests on my success.

I don't know, just thought I'd see if that may be part of the self-sabotage. If not, then it's just me. It wouldn't be the first time I was totally alone in my insanity! haha

Keep up the good attitude - you deserve happiness, and whatever you have to do to get it, I support you.

Lauren

[dede4wd]

Thanks Jo, just coming back and seeing you kicking for the finish line brings tears to my eyes!

Lauren, you are SO right as well (and kicking for the finish line too!). Being the "big girl out on tour", the hard-working funny one was my thing as well. Also, being fat was kind of my protection from the undesireables out on the road.

Suddenly I had people telling me I was inspring them, I was their hero...I couldn't fathom that, I'm like "Me, a role model? I can't even balance my checkbook!" No pressure.

I also had co-workers I REALLY wanted healthy watching my progress telling me they'd do something about their health after they saw me hit and maintain goal (and a couple are in real trouble of job-risking health problems). No pressure there either!

So, I went from being under the protection of the weight and my sense of humor to being out in the world nearly thin. People were telling me how close I was and how proud of me they were. Then I started getting a lot more male attention than I was used to. Suddenly I seemed to loose all my skill in my job in their eyes and was being treated like a road girl (think flight attendant sitting in a hotel bar). That was new. Then I got some REALLY unwanted male attention and decided it was the weight and I NEEDED to get some protection weight back...fast!

So I binged. And Binged. I felt HORRIBLE! I suddenly realized that it wasn't the weight. It was me having to learn to deal with others in a new way, just as they were looking at me in a new way. So I'm wrapping my head around that and climbing back on the wagon and will push to goal!

For me it's not all about triggers and self-control. It's about "who am I now as this new person." I don't know who she is, but I'm excited to meet her!
Thanks to all of you!
DeDe

[alpha femme]

my "thing," my albatross

could we not say "albatross"?
seriously.
i just took my comps and part 2 was rime of the ancient mariner.

hi, dede.

[dede4wd]

SERIOUSLY looking forward to the days where I have to set my alarm to eat again right about now....

DeDe

[alpha femme]

it's okay, dede.
everybody slips up.
coming back and dealing with it the the healthiest choice.
i missed you!

[LAwoman]

Hi Dede,

I'm glad you're back. I remember watching your success on these boards, and then missing you. (I admit I thought you reached goal and then just abandoned us, sorry for such thoughts. )

I can relate to much of what you said. After nearly reaching goal in the summer of 2005, I "took a break", only to gain almost all the weight back, and attempt one restart after another.

I didn't think beyond more significant issues, and just thought that once again I "failed" at yet another diet. Then tonight, I read yours and Lauren's posts about how everyone behaved around you and the pressure and the attention...

Boy, could I relate. People at work constantly making comments, unsolicited advice... Even the compliments can be rude the way they're stated and in front of a room full of people. [Sometimes you wonder what people really mean when they say things?!?] And how to deal with unwanted and unwarranted attention and opinions. I know it only matters what I think about myself, and I'm pretty good about that, but there are times...

For me, MF is THE way to lose weight. Just the way it's structured, the way I feel while on it, the relatively rapid weight loss..., I know I can have success with MF. The bigger issue we all see is maintaining the weight loss while dealing with a whole new set of issues in our lives.

Forgive me, , I'm just on a roll tonight . Your post just really got me thinking this evening, and meant a lot to me about stuff I wanted to comment on.

Just being here is a success in itself. Reaching goal and maintaining are two more successes we're on our way to achieving. Thanks for sharing your journey and I'm glad you're back.

[DogMa]

I know ONE way to avoid some of those issues. I moved halfway across the country, to a place where I didn't know anyone. So the people here have seen me lose some weight, but they have no idea how far I've come.

And heck, I'm at goal and still don't get male attention - unwanted or otherwise. What up with that?? I'd be willing to be a little uncomfortable, at this point. Sigh.

[dede4wd]

Thanks LAWOMAN! I appreciated your post a lot!

Robin, BELIEVE ME, you don't want that kind of attention!

DeDe

[dede4wd]

Okay, what day am I on? Day 3 is doing okay. No leg cramps or anything like last time, so that's good.
My "legal" attempts (stuffing and pumpkin pie) might be a disaster, so I just ran to the store for SF Jello...just in case!

I just feel HAPPY that I'm back on track! I may have taken a few steps backwards, but I'm still on the right path and my desire to push to goal, transition AND maintenance is renewed!

DeDe

[dede4wd]

Stuffing and pumpkin pie were disasters! Only 1 of 3 dogs would even eat it! I'm glad I had extra veggies! Yikes!

DeDe