Robin, I am certainly glad you are around to help keep me sane. Sometimes it is all just too overwhelming...
So, in my quest to keep pushing forward I did a lot of soul searching yesterday. I had to remind myself why weight loss is so important to me, beyond just the physical appearance matters at hand. The bottom line is - heart disease is a major issue in my family. All four of grandparents have/had major heart health complications. My maternal grandfather was obese my entire life, had a heart attack while I was a child, and died of lung cancer in 2003. My maternal grandmother died in February of a heart attack after years of struggling with all kind of blocked arteries, congestive heart failure, etc. My paternal grandfather is healthy these days but suffered a massive stroke a few years ago after a procedure to clear out arteries ended up creating a blockage. My maternal grandmother had a double valve replacement in January, has a pacemaker and suffers daily with complications from diabetes. Her history is more complicated because many of her issues stem from her battle with rheumatic fever as a child, but it is still a major concern for me. Both of my parents have been on medication for high blood pressure and/or cholesterol for 5 -10 years now and they are still just in their early 50s.
I am healthy. I have been healthy and imagine I will continue to be healthy. Both of mother's parents spent decades smoking, which undoubtedly contributed to their health issues, but much of it is likely heredity. I never want my weight to play into my health. If I am already battling genes, I need my weight and lifestyle to be on my side. When things get slow, tiring, exhausting, frustrating, I
cannot lose sight of that priority. Because my grandmother died in the dead of winter in extreme upstate NY, her burial will be taking place next week as a winter burial is impossible. As I prepare for that emotionally and mentally as best I can, I am reminded of the pledge I made to myself standing beside her casket back in February -
I will not go this way before my time. I will not do it to myself or to my family.
So with all of this said, I'm ready to go. I hope the scale is ready with me. I vow to myself I will not be a fat bride, because I do not want to start my marriage with this huge task looming over my head. It will be the physical proof that I have done what I needed to do to adjust my lifestyle and outlook such that I can transition into marriage and motherhood healthfully and responsibily. And besides, nobody wants to hate their wedding photos!
The things I am doing this week to help my quest:
Sticking to walking only and seeing where that gets me. No hard workouts at the gym. If that doesn't work, next week I will add the gym back in again but make sure 100% to add an extra shake at the same time.
Switching up my L/G to keep it interesting and help curb that need to munch and chew. I made a great lunch today (I am going to post in the Lean Cuisine thread about it later today) and cannot wait for the lunch hour.
Working on a plan to keep myself on program as much as possible while I am home next weekend for Memorial Day weekend when I am facing three+ days of nonstop parties, food and temptation...including the inevitable dinner and drinks my father will expect to treat Mike and I to when this engagement is official.
Reminding myself daily of ALL the reasons I need this, want this, and will do this.
If anyone is still reading at this point, I hope you're having a great Tuesday. The sun is finally out again and hopefully we can maintain that for a day or two this week...all of the clouds and rain was wearing me out!
PS: I would just like to point out that my grandmother who had rheumatic fever as a kid was not expected to live past 25 because of all the damage to her heart. Today she is 76 and the proud mother of 8 children which does not include the 5 miscarriages for a total of 13 pregnancies. Talk about one heck of a woman!