The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[need2succeed]

Hi all,

My last few days have been a bit harder than usual and I think it might be because my diet buddy has been cheating like crazy. We live in the same house (for now). I'm determined to go on despite her falling off the wagon continuously; however, it gets hard. Not only that, but I'm doing the full fast, she is on the modified. Every night I have to smell the aroma of great smelling foods on the grill or in the oven. During my weak moments she tries to get me to eat with comments like, "It won't hurt, you need to eat to lose weight." Well, that may be the case, but I made a committment to myself to be on the full fast for at least 4 (preferrably 5) months. I really want to get through this fast as quickly as possible, and in my opinion, doing modified would only slow me down and make it harder for me to remain faithful to the plan.

The other day, I was at a low point and decided to weigh in despite my promise to myself not to. Luckily the scale rewarded me this time (24 lbs gone!)--although weighing in tends to throw me off no matter what it says. I believe that if the scale had said something negative, I would not be on this plan today.

Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest...

[Jeanette]

Hi N2S:

My best girlfriend and I have been sabotaging each other for the last couple of months. When I would start feeling down about my impending divorce, her answer would be FOOD. And I wouldnt argue with her about it.

We talked on the phone today, and agreed to go back to being each other's ally instead of saboteur. I think you may need to be up front with her about it.

Best of luck!

[Nancy]

Dear Need2Succeed ~

Your name says it all: You NEED 2 succeed and someone is not helping you!

Oh, I am sorry that is happening to you. I agree totally with Jeanette - yeah, this needs to be addressed...I think it is really good that you have recognized the fact that your buddy is sabotaging you - some folks don't realize they are being dragged down until it is too late!

I think I would be going for gentle walks when the food comes out. Get outta there ASAP!


When Terry and I were on the weight loss phase, we were both on the complete program and that made it easier - fewer temptations. Then he reached his goal of minus 60 pounds and I had twice as much more to go, so he would have his modified meals way before I got home from work - he'd have it at lunch time and then have the kitchen all clean and sparkly so I didn't have to smell it or clean it up. He was so important to my success - my success is his success, too. We are a team.

Your Body Buddy is not helping you and you need that buddy to be on your team, not on the opposing team.

This is the right place to come when you feel like you need some one to talk to and when you need help.

Hey, maybe we need to send Guido over there and give that roommate some noogies!

[elle4nelly]

We all have “saboteurs” among our friends. That is when the biggest saboteur isn’t we. My best friend is 5’5” and all of 120 lbs!! She’s an avid runner and has no clue about what a diet is and constantly a try to throw me off with dinner invites and all that crap. Sometimes, I think that down deep she got used to the image of me being the big girl you run to when you’re down. Maybe she’s afraid of the change that may come from me being slim and pretty…I won’t the fat comfortable “Mama” like girlfriend she’s been used to the last 8 years. I don’t know. She knew me at 127lbs and she never was this way…now that I want to lose weight she’s in my face. Making negative comments about liquid diet and not having to eat..Rolling her eyes and all. I am just way too tired to deal with any of this. I ignore….literally stay away from her other than on the phone or email daily….
Even my mother has noticed that when I frequent her physically I gain my weight back…
Friends can be very very threatened by your efforts to lose weight. Beware!

[Carrie]

Wow, Nelly, I'm sorry you're having to deal with that situation.

I think I'm lucky in that I don't have anyone here actually threatened by my losing weight, and/or trying to sabotage me. The worst thing I have to deal with is fending off dinner/lunch invites and bar invites from friends that are sick of me not being out much. Sometimes I have to be assertive about not going somewhere, I imagined that after telling people VERY casually that I was attempting to diet they'd leave me alone. And when I got pressed once about attending a Sunday brunch, I got all out of sorts and huffily said 'I told you I was trying to diet, and I can't go to a restaurant right now without blowing it.' My poor friend said quietly 'Oh.'

And I realized then that though the diet is a big bad monster in my head, my friends didn't necessarily know that that was what I was going through. Once they realized the extent of my effort, and what I was going through, they totally have backed off and supported me. They still call, but a polite, simple 'I can't tonight' suffices. (Sometimes I do go too).

I do have one friend though, that luckily lives a hundred miles away, so I don't see her often, who uses me as some sort of excuse to eat junk. Whenever we get together she goes on at length about how she's treating herself tonight, and blah blah blah. She's thin and works at it, but she has never had a weight problem. Somehow being with her 'fat friend' is license to eat.

I also many years ago had a friendship, the basis of which, was enabling each other to eat whatever we wanted. We went out to dinner every night, took turns paying, and ate whatever we wanted. We both gained a LOT of weight and big credit card bills. All we were doing was giving each other permission to eat.

I do have a co-worker whom I believe torments me on purpose. Everyone here knows I'm dieting and has known for months. This woman will still wander the halls with a box of popsicles, a bag of grapes, whatever, and always stops at my door and says something like "Carrie would you like a popsicle, only 60 calories, OOPS! I forgot you're not allowed." This happens 2-3 times a week. Need I mention that for reasons unknown to me, she apparently dislikes me? Luckily for me I am such a stubborn person that knowing what she's doing - eating any of that stuff would be the LAST thing I'd do.

There are so many ways we sabotage ourselves that it's a shame we have to watch for outside sabotage as well, but it's reality. I totally agree with your decision to stay away from that friend for as long as you need to. Do what you need to do to succeed, even if you ruffle a few feathers!
Carrie

[elle4nelly]

Oh Absolutely Carrie!!
She's my only outside Saboteur. I started therapy for compulsive eating and one of the book assignement is called " Fattitudes". I know more and more each day what triggers me to sway.... I want thin really bad...but I've got "Fattitudes"...deep down I have a conflict ...An exemple of one fattitude I have is " Being fat is a blanket for me...I feel invisible...like people won't pay too much attention to me...so losing weight..represent ..becoming thin and more attractive thus ...having people actually notice me"..after being invisible for 8 years...It is scary to think one day...i won't have Fat as a cover anymore.
Then I have to also deal with "fattitudes" from friends like her....who really feel threatened by my impending "Thinness"....like ..it's going to be another cute one around...and that might change things between us...
So ..yeah.... I am learning to deal with my demons and staying away from friends who don't get it! I just can't be fat to please them.... Beside....I am tired of hanging around with skinny chicklets who have never had a weight problem ..and even though some don't say anything...I know deep down...they just don't get it. I really am social....but I hate being fat....so...for know...I have to protect myself and as you said..even if it ruffles some feathers!!

Nelly

[Carrie]

Nel,
I definitely go through that - fear of being thin - I know, I KNOW, if you don't have it that it sounds totally ridiculous. But, Fat is my comfort, and my shield of invisibility, and I am scared to see it leaving me. It's been so long since I've been thin that I don't know who I am without the fat.

I have these issues pop up, sometimes I eat when they do, sometimes I don't, but I am learning to work through them - like I'm on a scavenger hunt and have to find the next clue before I can continue - but once I work through it I can keep going. The keeping going part is the important thing - before I'd just freak out and go on a 6 month binge before I'd try to diet again.

Carrie

[Guest]

Fattitudes, fattitudes!!!!!!!!!

That's what it is....fat is my cover...I feel powerful in the sense that I am invisible to others....

Another fattitudes of mine is "fear of getting close to "males""....I got used to being the " friendly fat one"... everytime i shed weight...cat calls resume...looks..stare...I get followed down the strret for phone numbers..and Frankly I am frightened to have to deal with any of these Male Arse and the whole species and class of them......
Being Fat keeps them at bay.....

Oh what about this fattitude? I got used to being the "bully one"...I demand and people give because ..well...when you 're fat with an attitude people sort of give in qicker either cauz they're afraid you're going to Bulldozer them into pancakes..l..or just because they simply don't even want to deal with you
But If I lose weight....They'll just dismiss me when I cope an attitude....and I won't get my way anymore....

Once you realise the internal conflicts between your desire to lose weight and all these Fattitudes stack up against your desire...no wander...we fall off the wagon even though we want thin real bad...
Anyway....
Thanks for chatting and for your wonderful support Carrie..
I really appreciate it!

Nelly