The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Lauren]

Hey, gang! Hope you're all having an excellent weekend thus far!

So, I had an interesting thing happen at work yesterday, and I thought it may relate to others here, so I figured I'd share...

I have always been a closet-eater. Since as young as I can remember, I was sneaking food, because even as a young child, when I was cute and a little chubby, and by no means at high risk, my sister was skinny, and my pediatrician (who was my uncle), commented to my mom that they should "watch" my diet, I was suddenly the one getting the apple when everyone else had the cookies...I think I just felt from the youngest age that I was somehow being deprived or punished or whatever - all I knew was that my sister had tastycakes while I had cucumber - and it sucked! :-) What's funny, I don't resent anyone in my family for it (except my uncle, but he's easy to resent anyway! ha), they just did what they thought was right. But the lesson I was learning at an early age was that I didn't deserve the yummy foods, and so I had to sneak them. Forever after that I was sneaking foods, and even when I was on a diet, would still feel like I was sneaking even healthy stuff - grabbing a fruit or veggie late at night when no one was looking. I can't explain it, but put it this way - my friends NEVER understood how I got so big, they said they never saw me eat anything bad!

Anyway, since I started Medifast, I tried to be very aware and very public and very open about my eating. I never apologized for carrying around my MF foods, and I would joyously and loudly consume them in front of anyone, anywhere. I think I was especially bold about it in order to teach myself not to hide the food, that it wasn't necessary. Well, since maintenance, and for anyone reading this who is confused by my diet -please know that I've become a runner, and run about 30 miles a week at this time, so food and eating is different for me - I eat veggies ALL THE TIME. Of course, I still eat my multiple MF supps a day, plus 2 lean & greens, and fruit, etc, but I always have veggies with me - I don't leave home without them! Seriously, not exaggerating, I have a baggie of baby carrots or string beans or celery with me, in my purse, the way others carry gum or lipstick (yeah I have those too!)! I also bring in veggies to work in ziplocs, and I munch all day long. I am not advocating this for anyone else, it's just what works for me.

Recently, my colleagues, who have all been so wonderful and amazed and supportive of my success, have made a couple totally innocent comments about my veggie munching, one said it was cute, I was like a little bunny with the carrots, another said something like "wow, veggies again, don't you get sick of them?" (uh, never), anyway, nothing loaded in the comments, just idol chatter. So yesterday, when my coworker said something like, "what do we have this time?" I just got annoyed, and snapped "why does everybody care so much about what I am eating?"

Ok. Here's the thing: I am not a defensive person. I am also not a conflict-oriented person, and I almost never "snap," especially in an office environment. So I sat on that for a moment, and I realized why I responded this way. And I went to my coworker and said to him that I apologize for snapping - he didn't think I snapped, and said it totally was fine - but I wanted him to hear the situation. I told him that I spent my whole life hiding my eating, and I suddenly felt that with a few different comments made about my eating, that urge to "hide" my food again. Even though I was eating something SO innocent (asparagus), I suddenly thought I should be sneaking it, because people had opinions. And that freaked me out! And while he is not the most insightful dude in the world, he totally understood it, and said that he just thinks people make stupid chatter, and if they walk by my office and I'm munching, that's what they'd talk about - if I was filing my nails (which I would not be doing), they'd maybe say something about that. Made sense.

So I realized that the urge to sneak food may never leave me, but I am going to make an added effort to continue to be really public and open about my eating, in order to continue to fight the urge to be a closet-eater - because there isn't a damn thing I have to hide (nor do any of you!), and I deserve to live an open and honest and viewable life, including my eating habits!

I am not sure if this will make sense to anyone else, so if it didn't click with you, sorry for wasting your time! haha But if it did, I am glad to have that connection with you (but sorry you've had to deal with it too!).

Anyway, all is still great in my world - exercise and running have been amazing, food/eating/weight has been great and consistent, I am still about 13 pounds below my original goal, and about 7-8 pounds below my final goal, and 2-3 pounds below my "yay, this is perfect!) goal, so I am riding the good wave. And I have a consultation with a 3rd surgeon on Monday regarding some post-weight loss, uh, tweaking, so I'm happy!

Cheers to you all!

Lauren

[nickieluv]

I certainly was a closet eater. I would eat only when home alone, never when anyone else was around - not even healthy stuff. Not one bite in front of a person, especially a male I was dating. I relate completely to using MF to try to come out of the closet - thank you for sharing your story today.

[DogMa]

I can relate, too. I think my attitude changed a few months ago, when the nurse helping my uncle commented that every time she came by I was eating (not noticing, I guess, that it was always small things - a yogurt, a bar, soy crisps, etc.), and asked how I eat so much and stay so thin.

[bikipatra]

This reminded me of my sister who weighs 350 pounds. I would follow her out on the porch sometimes when we were little and she would have 4-5 pieces of bread stuffed in her armpit to sneak them out of the kitchen and be shoving them in her mouth.

[Serendipity]

Nope, can't relate, Lauren.....nope, never happened to me......nope, not me......wait, do cookies in Fort Lauderdale count? hehe

[Diana]

Jo, you're too funny!

Lauren, thanks SO MUCH for sharing this! I've been going through similar issues lately. Like you, I was the "chunky" one and put on my first diet at age 8. Yep, lead straight to closet eating! (Of course, I later found out it's a generational habit...even my grandmother was found out!) And, like you, I've been having to face and (hopefully) resolve some of those lifelong constructs about eating, appearance, etc. Last week, I was half ranting to a friend who was chuckling through most of the exchange. In the end, she quipped, "Spoken like a true teenager!"

You inspire me to no end, Lauren! I can't wait to join you in maintenanceland. When we make it out to see Chynnadoll (won't be for some time, like next year, maybe), let's get together for a run or at least a powerwalk!

[Lauren]

Oh, Di, you are so sweet, and you'll be here (maintenanceland) in no time! Just keep on keepin' on! I would LOVE for you to come out here, NYC is the best place in the world, and I love getting visitors!

Biki, it's sad that your comment should've just been chuckle-worthy, but instead, I totally related to it! Oy vey. I have eaten in some really disgusting and horrifying ways, including shoving oreos in my mouth when I was like 6 years old and running into the bathroom when I heard my mom coming. I finished eating in there, she knocked on the door, I opened it thinking the "secret" was all mine, little did I know I had black cookie crumb all over my face! So pathetic, and so young to already be so dysfunctional.

Anyway, thanks for you guys responding, I couldn't imagine I'd be alone in this phenomenon, but hey, you never know!

Oh, and Robin, isn't it off the wall strange when people make a comment about you being little when they have no idea where you've been? I went into a cool saree store to buy a neat beach cover up, and I asked if they were one size fits all, she said "yes, they fit thin people like you, but not the fatties who come in." Yes, horrible! But, still really strange to be called one of the thin people!

Ciao, peeps!

Lauren

[Mike]

Biki, it's sad that your comment should've just been chuckle-worthy, but instead, I totally related to it! Oy vey. I have eaten in some really disgusting and horrifying ways, including shoving oreos in my mouth when I was like 6 years old and running into the bathroom when I heard my mom coming. I finished eating in there, she knocked on the door, I opened it thinking the "secret" was all mine, little did I know I had black cookie crumb all over my face! So pathetic, and so young to already be so dysfunctional.

I had to go back and re-read Biki's post. I totally relate to this (meaning I have done it many times). The oreo thing (well, maybe not with oreos, but you know what I mean. I used to "help" clear the table and as I was doing so, would sneak extra spoons of potato or something else in as I was putting it away. Large family gatherings were the worst, because as a kid, nobody really watches how many times you have been at the food table.
Thank you Lauren for making this post, and thanks to all who have posted to it. It really does let the rest of us know that its not just me, its all of us, with the same struggles.