Hi Cindy
Years ago when I quit smoking, the prospect of doing so was daunting. When I quit, I never set out to quit, but rather to see how far I could go and how far I could push myself. One day, I woke up and had no cigarettes. Rather than drive right out to get some, I told myself I'd see how long I could go without having one. I never told myself I couldn't have one, but only that when I wanted one I had to wait to have it, to be sure it was what I really wanted to do. Slowly, hours became days and days became weeks, months, and now years. During that time I found myself adjusting my lifestyle to help make that decision not to lit up a cigarette easier. I avoided restaurants and other ares where I knew the smell of smoke would trigger a craving (this pre-dated NY's ban on smoking public...goodness I love that law!) and I asked friends who smoked to avoid doing so around me. It wasn't easy, but by tackling the process in small ways every day, the impact was great and the success was inevitable.
In 2006, when I topped out at 271lbs and decided I finally had to do something about my weight, I tackled the process in much the same way. I committed to MF and told myself I would get through a minimum of the first day, then the first week, then the first box of food. Day by day, I pushed myself a little bit harder, a little bit further. I never set out to lose any specific amount of weight and I never allowed myself to focus too long or hard on the overall scope of work I had to do - which was a LOT. I set small goals and worked on them bit by bit. I am still doing that today.
The journey has not always been easy and I have not been without frustration and mistakes along the way. With that said, what I have gained along the way is invaluable. I've learned to nix emotional eating and I've gotten in touch with myself emotionally and physically in a way I never knew possible. There have been times I've wanted to hit my head against the wall in frustration with myself for eating something I shouldn't have, and there have been times I've contemplated how much work there is still left to do and I get overwhelmed. When that happens, I step back, focus in on the short term and commit to myself one meal, one day, one week, one month, one box of food - whatever it takes.
I know this has been long winded, but I do believe I know precisely what you feel right at this moment on so many levels. I hope you can find in yourself the confidence that you are able to control what you eat and how you feel about what you eat. You will find yourself amazed at how powerful that control feels and how it fuels your ability to set another goal and make it happen. Take a step back. Don't tell yourself you have to do two months perfect. Instead, commit to yourself a day and expand from there. Take it day by day, week by week. If you slip up, recommit to that day or that week and keep going. If you crave something, don't tell yourself you cannot have it - tell yourself you are going to push as hard as you can and wait as long as you can and be totally 100% sure that is what you want before giving in. No matter what you do, stick with it in whatever way you can and will reap the benefits.
Best of luck.