cindyjones008

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Postby cindyjones008 » May 3rd, 2008, 9:40 pm

Crud, I can't get this thing.

I started again today, and this morning I made a commitment to do this program for 2 straight months, no cheating, 100% compliance. However, at 4pm I said screw it and ate some of my sons crackers, which led to eating some of my son's dinner, and then I was searching the house for desserts. I didn't find any desserts, I did a good job cleaning all the junk food out yesterday.

I want to do MF. I want to loose weight. I have the desire. I know I can do it. Okay, I don't know for sure I can do it. Actually, I question whether or not I have what it takes to do it.

I feel like I keep finding reasons to put off starting, or I justify going off plan--and obviously that does not work. But I don't know what works.

Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Postby lifelovinaries » May 3rd, 2008, 11:11 pm

ok cindy, i have a big-girl pill for you to swallow...what works is COMMITMENT! Fortunately the program doesn't take a lot of thought (as far as choices) but it does take a lot of thought when stopping ourselves from going off plan. I don't think that there is anyone here that can tell you exactly WHAT to do, because the REAL desire has to come from within. I think you have to take the time to ask yourself "what is more important?". Ask yourself this question when you feel the urge to eat off plan foods. I have not been asking myself this question over the past few days and i have found it harder and harder to make the right choices. But in the end, i still have to ask myself "WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT?" Within the answer to that question, i find the answer to weightloss. No, the mental aspect may not always be easy and we then beat ourselves up for making the wrong choices. This is when we see that weightloss is 90% mental. Hang in there, keep trying, and NEVER give up on it.
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Postby cindyjones008 » May 4th, 2008, 10:38 am

Thanks lifelovinaries!

Loosing weight is more important. However, I sugar takes over. It sucks that I feel out of control. I think part of the problem is that I hate my body, I hate my fat stomach. I always tell myself that I am so fat and that when people first meet me, they see a fat person. I watched part of the DVD the "Secret" yesterday. They said if worry about having lot of debt, you will get more debt. I worry about being so fat, maybe that is why I can't do this MF thing.

But I don't want to say I can't do it, because I know I can, I truly believe with all my heart I am capable of doing it. But when? When will I be ready? How will I know I am ready? I want to be ready now!!!!

I feel like I am giving into this 2 year old child inside of me when I start to eat junk food. I feel that the adult side of me can't control myself.

And yes, I do think I am making a commitment. I tell myself that I am making a commitment, I even cleaned out my house and threw out all junk food. The only food I have in the house is healthy or it is my toddler's crackers and cheerios, etc. I don't know what else to do. What I am doing is not working. I need to do something different, I just don't know what!!!! I want it, I want it bad.

Plus, I feel that I will have a life once I loose weight. I am a single mom of a 22 month old child. Once I loose weight, I will start dating. I don't want to date at my current weight. I want to attract somebody that is healthy and that cares about nutrition. Therefore I am holding off on dating until I loose weight. Plus, I used to scuba dive before I gained all of this weight during my pregnancy. I am not in shape to to scuba dive right now. But once I loose the weight, I can go scuba diving again, and I love scuba diving. I feel I am putting a lot of my life on hold until I looose weight. I don't know if that is a good or bad thing. I still do things at this weight, I take my son on walks all the time and we go to the park a lot. It's that I know I will have a lot more fun once I loose the weight. So the motivation is there, I just don't know what my problem is, or what the solution is.

I am lonely, I really want a boyfriend, and a potential father to my son. My son's dad is completely out of the picture. Once I loose weight and start dating, i am confident I will find a man to commit to, and then my son will have a daddy. So my son is being affected by my fattness.

I feel happiness is within reach, but right now it is out of reach. It is within reach once I loose this weight, and loosing the weight is within reach by doing MF. Why can't I just do it and not give into those cravings. And it is not like I get a craving and have time to talk myself out of it. I get a strong craving, but it is a impulsive thing, I want sugar now, and nothing stops me, I feel like there is no room to reason in my head to stop myself. I feel comforted once I eat junk food, it feels good, I feel full, I feel cared about. I know this is sick and unhealthy and I probably seem like a big weirdo, but it is my truth. I needed to get this out, afterall, we are as sick as our secrets, and I don't want to keep everything stuffed inside, I want to start to change!
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Postby lifelovinaries » May 4th, 2008, 11:55 am

cindy, don't take this the wrong way, but have you ever considered therapy? You have a lot going on here...and a lot of emotions that need to be sorted out. Maybe an unbiased professional can help with that. We can be unbiased here but i don't think any of us can give professional opinions, only personal ones. With that said, onto the dating and scuba diving thing. Why wait until you lose the weight? You are saying that because you feel you need to be happier with yourself. Well you need to find a way to be happier with yourself and love yourself as you are. Watch the rest of The Secret. Many situations in life are formed from our thoughts. Many times, it controls what is attracted to us. Don't focus on the fact that you are fat now. Change your focus to you being healthy. Change your focus to what is more important. Say to yourself "first things first". FIRST you have to change your outlook on things. You feel that if you eat the snacky or junky stuff it will make you feel satisfied or full or cared about. Girlie, food has no emotions, it doesn't care about YOU! Think about it, actually, the wrong food choices make you feel even more depressed. You may not be hungry after indulging but you sure feel like crap. It does more than take up space in your stomach, it adds negative space to your thought processes, adds negative space to your emotions.

You DO have time to talk yourself out of a craving, even if it is impulsive. If you crave cake and it is immediately in your hand, you have time to put it down. If you have taken a bite of cake before you even noticed you had it in your hand you realize when it's in your mouth that it shouldn't be there...SPIT IT OUT! There are ways around everything. In life, there are lots of things that we can't control, but we can control what we CHOOSE to put in our mouths. It all starts with you and your outlook on the steps you are going to take to get yourself to where you wanna be. Like i said, ask yourself "what is more important?" If losing weight is more important, make that your priority. Develop tunnel vision on your journey. Hope this helps...i will now step down off of my soapbox.
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Postby cydj21 » May 4th, 2008, 12:48 pm

Hi Cindy :D

Years ago when I quit smoking, the prospect of doing so was daunting. When I quit, I never set out to quit, but rather to see how far I could go and how far I could push myself. One day, I woke up and had no cigarettes. Rather than drive right out to get some, I told myself I'd see how long I could go without having one. I never told myself I couldn't have one, but only that when I wanted one I had to wait to have it, to be sure it was what I really wanted to do. Slowly, hours became days and days became weeks, months, and now years. During that time I found myself adjusting my lifestyle to help make that decision not to lit up a cigarette easier. I avoided restaurants and other ares where I knew the smell of smoke would trigger a craving (this pre-dated NY's ban on smoking public...goodness I love that law!) and I asked friends who smoked to avoid doing so around me. It wasn't easy, but by tackling the process in small ways every day, the impact was great and the success was inevitable.

In 2006, when I topped out at 271lbs and decided I finally had to do something about my weight, I tackled the process in much the same way. I committed to MF and told myself I would get through a minimum of the first day, then the first week, then the first box of food. Day by day, I pushed myself a little bit harder, a little bit further. I never set out to lose any specific amount of weight and I never allowed myself to focus too long or hard on the overall scope of work I had to do - which was a LOT. I set small goals and worked on them bit by bit. I am still doing that today.

The journey has not always been easy and I have not been without frustration and mistakes along the way. With that said, what I have gained along the way is invaluable. I've learned to nix emotional eating and I've gotten in touch with myself emotionally and physically in a way I never knew possible. There have been times I've wanted to hit my head against the wall in frustration with myself for eating something I shouldn't have, and there have been times I've contemplated how much work there is still left to do and I get overwhelmed. When that happens, I step back, focus in on the short term and commit to myself one meal, one day, one week, one month, one box of food - whatever it takes.

I know this has been long winded, but I do believe I know precisely what you feel right at this moment on so many levels. I hope you can find in yourself the confidence that you are able to control what you eat and how you feel about what you eat. You will find yourself amazed at how powerful that control feels and how it fuels your ability to set another goal and make it happen. Take a step back. Don't tell yourself you have to do two months perfect. Instead, commit to yourself a day and expand from there. Take it day by day, week by week. If you slip up, recommit to that day or that week and keep going. If you crave something, don't tell yourself you cannot have it - tell yourself you are going to push as hard as you can and wait as long as you can and be totally 100% sure that is what you want before giving in. No matter what you do, stick with it in whatever way you can and will reap the benefits.

Best of luck.
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Postby cindyjones008 » May 4th, 2008, 2:26 pm

Thanks lifelovinaris and cydj!

cydj, I am glad you said what you said. I too quit smoking!!!!!! I quit about 9 years ago, and I did the exact same thing. I did not set out to quit, but to see how long I could go without. And if I wanted to smoke, I did not tell myself I could not smoke. Instead, I tried to see how long I could before I gave in. Well, it's been about 9 years and now the smell of smoke makes me feel sick! If my friend smokes a cigarette before getting in my car, once she gets in the smell of smoke is so bad that I have to open my windows! Yucky!

I am going to try that with MF. I am not going to try to do 2 months straight, I am going to see how far I can go with the first day, and then take it from there. That way it is not so devestating if I screw up, plus it is not even as much pressure. I do not do well under pressure! And when I do feel an impulsive craving, I will wait to see how long it is before I give in, if I give in at all. I tried to quit smoking several times but with no luck. It wasn't until I told myself if I really wanted one, I could have one, but try to hold out as long as possible before I do, and that worked. I think when I tell myself that I can't have something, I want it even more. Instead, I am going to focus on trying to be sucessful as long as possible.

Thanks ladies!!!!!!
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Postby cindyjones008 » August 3rd, 2008, 1:13 pm

Suga is very powerful. I feel it is a necessity. I know it is not. What about it makes me want it everyday? I like to eat it for breakfast, have it as a snack, have a healthy lunch, followed by a sugary dessert, followed by another sugar snack, followed by a healthy dinner, and end the night off with some more sugar.

I know it is bad when I eat it, but I don't care. Well, actually I do care, otherwise it would not get to me. The pleasure I derive from having fun eating yummy sugar is something I look forward to every day.

I know I have it in me, somewhere, to get off sugar and to re-start MF and be successful. I can visualize myself being thin and healthy. I know I will feel better about myself once I loose the weight. In a way, I feel like I am putting part of my life on hold while I am fat. I mean, I have things, that require physical fitness and health that I want to do, but I physically can't do right now. I also have other things in my life that I am successful at, such as education and career.

I always want sugar. I don't want to deprive myself of sugar. And there are no subsitutes. None of this sugar-free pudding, etc. will do. I have tried it. I have tried several times subsitutuing a sugar free snack when I wanted sugar. It does not work, it does not have the same effect. I think something physical actually takes place in my body when I eat real sugar, something that calms me and relaxes me!

I wonder what it is that is going to have to happen to make me change?
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Postby Mike » August 3rd, 2008, 3:43 pm

Sugar is powerful... but we are the ones allowing it to have the power. Its a brain thing. I think that the sweet center in the brain is connected to the pleasure center for some of us. Its just something that we live with everyday and we battle with.


It takes alot of retraining to get past that, and we never really get over it, we just learn to be more powerful over it.

Following this program gets easier when you give it time. If you crave something, find a medi-something that mimics it and make that. The pudding, when made right (maybe use a magic bullet to make it creamy) really doesn't taste like diet anything to me (even before I started I felt that way).

Anyhow, knowing what you want and what you need to do to get there is the key. Just keep working at it and eventually it gets hard less often.

;)
Pre WLS 460
Low after WLS 300
Start of MF 350
Previous MF low 280
Restart MF 330


I have to be careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business.
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Postby cindyjones008 » August 4th, 2008, 7:30 pm

I've been eating so much sugar that I have been wondering if I am prediabetic. I did a test and to my suprise, no, I am not. However, I have been monitoring my glucose levels and it seems there is a correlation between my feeling sad and having lower glucose levels. Wow, this was intersting. I eat sugar, my glucose level gets higher, and I feel better. I feel a bit sad, take a glucose test, and my glucose is lower. I wonder if I caused this from eating so much sugar or this is something that natural occurs. It's wierd that I feel sad and my mood improves when I eat sugar. Not that it is like this all of the time, but there has been several times when I felt down and also have lower levels. And usually my levels lower immediatly after eating a healthy meal. Once I eat healthy, I always crave sugar, maybe this is why. My levels are only low after healthy meals and in the morning. Wow, I wonder if any of this means anything, or I can use it to help me with my diet.
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Postby Mike » August 4th, 2008, 9:16 pm

When you eat alot of sugar, if your body is functioning normal.. your glucose spikes way up, then your body increases insulin to increase the glucose uptake of your body cells. Then the glucose drops down below the baseline until you eat again. When glucose drops too low, your body slows the insulin, increases glucagon to reverse the stored glycogen to release more glucose into the blood.

This process can also be related to the highs and lows. When we have lots of sugar, we are on a high and the insulin icreases to lower glucose. Many times it over-lowers and we feel down because we have lower than normal glucose.

The wonderful thing about this program is that our glucose doesn't spike... it goes up a bit, our bodies use it, then right when its about to drop below baseline, we have a small something again. The increased energy is a by product of ketosis....

When we allow the program to work for us, we feel better, and eventually, the physical feeling of hunger subsides... but many times, the mental/emotional desire for sugar is something we constantly fight.

Hope this helps.
Pre WLS 460
Low after WLS 300
Start of MF 350
Previous MF low 280
Restart MF 330


I have to be careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business.
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Postby cindyjones008 » August 5th, 2008, 5:18 am

That makes sense, thanks for the info. Now I have another reason to get off of the sugar. Maybe my mood will improve!
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Postby katesmom » August 5th, 2008, 5:29 am

Hi Cindy !
I am a restarter to medifast and was a HUGE sugar craver ! I can relate to how you have been feeling...I had to sit myself down (literally) and ask myself which was more important...My health? or Sugar? Well guess what...sugar LOST ! I have been feeling better each day with the choices I am making and just take it 3 hours at a time...If that sugar beast tries to enter your mind...start thinking of something else, walk out of the room with the food, take a ride, walk, call a friend...

You can do this !

Once you give it 3 full days -the cravings start to go away...You're worth it...right????

Good Luck !

We are all her for you ! :D
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Postby nickieluv » August 5th, 2008, 7:34 am

I can relate, too, to the sugar beast. Lately anything with yummy carbs will do, it doesn't have to be pure sugar, but I'm sure there's sugar lurking in all the things I've eaten over the past few days.

MF is very mental for me. My body likes the program, but my mind tells me I need to eat junk. I gained hope from Mike's posts, that you may never lose the demon but you learn how to fight it more effectively, so that it seems less strong.

I hope you are feeling strong today. I am, and when your mind feels ready you can do anything! I am trying right now to stick to the (to me) sweeter meals, like the hot cocoa and my one bar a day, to try to ease into things. Cold turkey hasn't worked lately, and I do well with a mostly liquid diet. I will be thinking of you today, I hope you have a good one.
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Postby cindyjones008 » August 6th, 2008, 9:13 pm

It feels good having other people relate to the sugar thing. Personally, I don't do the unhealthy meals such as fried fast food, etc, instead, I consume large amounts of sugar before and after my healthy meals. Sugar is such a strong pull. I feel that it is so hard to quit sugar!

I start off strong in the morning, but then half way through the day I am crawling the walls, scouring the office looking for a co-worker that has a candy bowl on their desk!!! ugh!!!! Why is sugar so powerful??????
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Postby Mike » August 6th, 2008, 10:54 pm

cindyjones008 wrote:Why is sugar so powerful??????


Because we allow it to be. My wife (Diana for those of you who didn't know ;) ), heard something while we were listening to the audio book "The On Purpose Person". It was such a revelation to her that she had to rewind it 5 times... and I feel that sharing this with you may help. (Thank you Diana)

Essentially, Kevin McCarthy says "Once I take responsibility for myself, other people are powerless to impose their expectations and agendas on me."

This can be seen not only as people, but things or ideas as well. So if you restate it, it would read as follows:

"Once I take responsibility for myself, sugar is powerless to impose its power over me."

Hope this helps. For me its not really sweets, its carbs, but its the same concept.

;)
Pre WLS 460
Low after WLS 300
Start of MF 350
Previous MF low 280
Restart MF 330


I have to be careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business.
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