You can just call me Lisa.
This is a super long first journal post! Make yourself a cup of tea and settle into a comfy chair, haha!
Right now I'm at 208 pounds (I'm 5'8"), which is 66 pounds over my ideal weight of 142. But when I look at myself, yeah, I can see I'm overweight but not THAT much! I don't know where it's all hiding... I'm not exactly endowed in the chest area.
For too long I've fooled myself into thinking I don't have a weight problem because I don't look terribly overweight (and my near-and-dear-ones insist that I look great). Chubby, yes. Obese, no. However, I definitely do have a problem:
- Lately I've noticed that I FEEL heavy.
- Shifting in my chair is more difficult than it should be.
- My feet hurt if I spend too much time standing up.
- My love life is totally stalled because of logistical challenges associated with it, ya know. That, and I just don't feel like it. Snuggling is great, but anything beyond that just seems like too much effort. How sad is that?
- Things are just in the way. And by things, I mean my blob belly. I don't even know where it came from - it's massive! It reminds me of a baby's diaper that is way overdue for a changing. Does that make sense? Big and bulky and awkwardly hangy. I can't do yoga because my belly is in the way!
- My knees hurt! My right knee is starting to give out.
- Laziness!!!! I was a VERY active & athletic kid. That part of me is still there, but for the most part I'm just lazy. I have no get-up-and-go. When I DO get up and go, I always overdo it and hurt myself because my stamina is actually pretty good but I'm just TOO HEAVY to safely do all the stuff I want to do.
- I frequently run into things with my hips or my bum. It's embarrassing, really.
- My sweet daughters often make comments like "you're fat, Mommy", or, "wow, your butt is BIG!!!!". They don't say it with so much as a hint of meanness - they just make observations.
I've tried diets, exercise, calorie counting, and sheer willpower. None of that worked. I've developed a hate-love relationship with food. I say "hate-love" because I HATE the fact that I love food so much. Hate it SO much that grocery shopping and cooking have become huge chores for me. I don't know what to buy at the store anymore, because no matter what I get (super healthy or super UNhealthy) I'm going to mess up and gain weight. I'll get motivated and go on a healthy diet binge - lots of egg whites & veggies & lean meats & whole grains - followed by a junk binge - ice cream and cookies and fried things. So, I have come to look upon food as my enemy, and yet I get ridiculous compulsions to eat eat EAT! Portion control is a joke. I knew I'd lost my mind the other day when I was shoveling sweetened condensed milk into my coffee!
THAT'S IT! No more food for me! But I can't very well go on a starvation diet, so I'm very happy I found Medifast! I didn't even know about it until one day when I was online reading reviews of another diet food system (which shall remain nameless, though it's a fairly popular one). Medifast seems PERFECT for me! I won't have to think about food at all!
There are going to be challenges. My fiance works out of the country a month at a time, then is home a month at a time. Food has always been one of our favorite activities - cooking, eating, and ending the meal with a nice glass (or 3) of scotch. He always gets a little bummed out when I'm dieting, then I feel bad that he's feeling bad, so I cave in and allow myself to eat "just a little" of his amazing cooking. Then it becomes far too easy to justify eating "just a little" of it everyday. BUT! If all the amazing stories I've read here and on other sites are true, I'll lost weight so quickly that I won't have to deal with that problem much. If it takes me 4 or 5 months to lose the 66 pounds, he'll be gone half the time. When he IS home, he'll be so blown away by how much weight I'd lost in his absence that he shouldn't pout too much
I don't actually have my stuff yet.
So I'm not officially ON the program. I'm just hanging out, waiting, trying not to be a poser.
OH! I should mention that I accidentally dyed my hair bright pink a couple years back (hence my avatar). I was going for a sexy and mysterious deep red, but that doesn't really work on very bleached blonde hair. I've learned to be much nicer to my hair