The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[bikipatra]

I'm really enjoying your posts and don't worry about the length. Write what you think, what you feel. It helps you and it helps us!

DeDe

Now that she has your permission I am sure it is okay! I love reading long posts too. I just sometimes have to get a drinky refill first!

[BerkshireGrl]

Day 4... NEW YEAR, WHEEEEEE!!!!!!

Woke up a bit later this morning at 10:30 after going to bed around 2 AM. It is going to suck trying to fall asleep tonight at 10 PM so I can get up for work at 6! Apparently my inner clock prefers to stay up way late and be a morning slug! Must break that habit! With long weekends, I fall into staying up far too long, mostly reading.

I don't know what I would do if I couldn't read... my apartment would probably be very, very clean and my friends sick of talking with me! Wait, maybe I could actually crack open the oil paints and my boxes of waiting blank canvases! Heh! Hey, maybe Medifast will finally make me a real artist... I gotta get into that more, build a portfolio. Might actually squeeze my way into a local store that sells Berkshire artists' stuff this summer! Ooo, that would be so very cool. Money for creativity! Not that I don't get my current living from graphic design, but working on a Mac is not as fun.

Down another half pound-o this morning, to 227. Feeling a bit stiff, not sure why. Weather here is cold and rainy, last night was freezing rain. I went out last night to move my car out of the road and had some fun sidewalk sliding to get to the door Gotta love New England. I occasionally have fantasies of moving to Arizona or New Mexico... at least for a while to experience it. I've moved 4 times cross-country but not since 1999 now. I'm getting kind of rooted in the Berkshires, but bored too.

The boredom could be due to my "life choices" here though... work, surf web, sleep, work, see family and friends every so often, sleep. Haven't had a really fun vacation in years, just long weekends with old friends. Not that I dislike those, but hanging out in Maryland is not as exciting as San Francisco or Seattle or... Spain or England.

I think I've been depressed for years too, maybe since birth I've tried a SSRI, Prozac, but was really not impressed with it. I just felt very toned down, no highs, no lows, "whatever dude" was my new mantra. Plus I developed some creepy side effects like a couple uncontrollable fits of rapid blinking, which I had read about.... and those muscle fits can get REALLY strange, like tongue movements that look like trying to catch flies! EEEK! No thanks, I'll take my mopeyness any day of the week instead!

But then maybe I didn't give the drugs a good enough chance, I dunno. Drugs that alter my mind, I admit, scare me. Of course one could argue that coffee does that and aspirin... but Prozac was like... a fuzzy feel-good filter that dropped between me and the world. Kind of like being high on pot but not as strong.

So, right now, I'm au naturale for better or worse. (Now everyone knows my secret past as a pill-user heheh!) Must be the rainy day inspiring me to be all introspective into my druggy past.

I was a good member of society and got all my thank-you notes written and mailed out Sunday. Felt great. A few times, I put them off until Spring, then gave up because I thought it was too late or somehow inappropriate to send them for Christmas presents... duh... I love getting notes in the mail, and I am of the (becoming defunct?) belief that these notes MUST Be Done. Email doesn't count. Heheh! Not that I'd go postal on a friend for emailing me a thanks but it's nice to see paper and real handwriting, ya know?

(Speaking of real paper, I would never ever read a book from a computer. The idea alone makes me want to gag.)

OK, kiddos, I am going to finally (drum roll!) get ON THE TREADMILL! Whoa! For 10 minutes! Maybe more! But I will keep it slow and easy. I'm powered up from my new can of Italian coffee, mmmm, Lavazza!)... which by the way is very, very good stuff. Pricey at $6.69 a can but at what price ecstasy?

Follow-up of work-out results to come... heaven help me...

[LAwoman]

Hey Berkshire,

Welcome back, to both of us!!!

I remember reading and enjoying your posts when I first started MF back in March of 2005. After a great, and what seemed so easy, success of 60+ lbs. gone in 4 1/2 months, I "took some time off" just before reaching goal and then spent the next year and a half gaining/losing/restarting. SO I CAN COMPLETELY RELATE to what you've gone and are going through.

But, this is a new day, a new year, and we're going to follow the MF-Plan to reach our goals, for good!!!

Here's to a happy, healthy, fit, and trim year to all of us, wearing small, stylin' clothes of course

[bikipatra]

Day 4... NEW YEAR, WHEEEEEE!!!!!!


I think I've been depressed for years too, maybe since birth I've tried a SSRI, Prozac, but was really not impressed with it. I just felt very toned down, no highs, no lows, "whatever dude" was my new mantra. Plus I developed some creepy side effects like a couple uncontrollable fits of rapid blinking, which I had read about.... and those muscle fits can get REALLY strange, like tongue movements that look like trying to catch flies! EEEK!

I thought writhing tongue movements were limited to side effects from antipsychotics not SSRIs? Interesting...I've tried various SSRI's, there have been 3-4 generations of them since Prozac. I kept having to switch until I found one that didn't just numb me like you explained. I wasn't depressed, I just didn't care about anything!

[nickieluv]

Berk;

I just read your post in Biki's journal (that you hijacked ) about "the voices" - and you have put it so eloquently into words! I have the exact same voices, all the time - but yes, on MF these last few days they have been dampened a lot. They are easier to resist - I don't know why that it, but here's to us and our new self-control!

[BerkshireGrl]

LAwoman: Thanks for the encouragement! Yes, it is so tempting to take "little breaks" but in my experience, they become long ones! Or permanent... so 2007 is going to be the time I just plow through this program and get it FINISHED!

Biki: About Prozac spasms, if you Google "Prozac muscle spasms", you will get some interesting stuff... especially under www(dot)antidepressantsfacts(dot)com(slash)Prozac-Backlash(dot)htm - which details the mortifying case of a woman named Maura, who luckily had almost a total recovery in 6 months after her stopping Prozac launched the tics.

Ah, aren't chemicals fascinating!? Always some negatives to go along with the positives, it seems. The yin and yang of medicine, I guess.

Ok, I did my treadmill treading... and whoa! Too much! I got sucked into "just a little bit further... how about 1 mile?... no, how about... 30 minutes... or how about 200 calories?" The 200 calories took me 33 minutes to finish, with speeds from 2-4, averaging 3 mph. I felt warm at 6 minutes, hot at 11, really energetic at 20, then started to fall off the edge of my coffee high I think

I trudged through though for 13 more minutes, with a 2 mph cool-down at the end, and noticed I felt really weird as I got off, like I was floating and numb. [Danger, Will Robinson!]

I did a bit of stretching... drank 4 cups of water... had a shake... and stretched some more. Cooled down, put on a sweatshirt. Ok, feeling human again. Phew!

1st Lesson, Grasshopper: Ignore the flagging energy at your peril

2nd Lesson: Cut workout in half for a while!

I feel good now, but beat. That was definitely a bit too intensive a start, especially considering I have been very slug-like for months. Ok, maybe years!

My exercise most days consisted of getting up, showering, getting breakfast ready if I didn't get it from McDonalds or Dunkin' Donuts on way to work, walking to car, driving, sitting at desk for 7.5 hours and maybe walking slowly for half hour at work picking up papers or folders... walk back to car, drive home, make dinner or 99% of time, get take-out, sit at desk or lay on couch, get ready for bed, sleep.

And that 30 minutes of walking at work might be even lower in reality! I don't know, I never clocked it. Would be interesting to do with a stopwatch heh! I bet I would be horrified. Geez, what if it was only like 10 minutes all day of non-butt sitting and mouse moving?

I guess I get it now while my body went into shock today

Well, my ol' bod, I'll take it slower, but you better get used to your new way of being...

[BerkshireGrl]

Dawn of Day 5...

Actually Pre-dawn, ack! I'm trying not to think about me being up before the sun, which won't make pop up until about a half hour from now. Gotta love winter. That's all right, as the days gradually get longer, my butt will gradually get smaller

Now the tough bit kicks in, with a busy week beginning at work I bet. Work stress has always been what made me go for the caloric wonders But this time around, I got some great bubblebath (mmm, Caswell-Massey) and a solid start underneath me.

Not to mention a fierce determination to stick to this!

I am up 1 pound today to 228, I am guessing from my over-the-top intro workout yesterday (and the 156 oz. of liquids for the day.) I know there is no way I could logically gain fat from under 1,000 calories so I am not sweating it... and I told myself to expect a gain before I got on the scale. Ah, see, success! I am sure later I will look back on this and laugh that I thought 33 minutes on the treadmill at 3 mph was a killer workout

I wonder what other people did for exercise when they first began? How much was too much for them? How did it affect their losing? (feel free to chime in, anyone hehehe!)

Ok, shower and work calls. Tally-ho!

[bikipatra]

When I first started I was told (the Leopard Woman herself has said this) that too much exercise can SLOW weight loss in the beginning. I was also told that I needed to wait 3-4 weeks in before I started a regular daily routine if I had been living a sedentary lifestyle. (When you look up sedentary in the dictionary you see a lovely yet slightly bloated face not too unlike Liz Taylor's...) It sounds like you have been walking 30 minutes a day already so maybe incrementally add to that instead of pounding it out on the treadmill.

[dede4wd]

Yay! Bubblebath!

DeDe

[BerkshireGrl]

No treading tonight or bubble bath... Just gonna chill in front of old Netflix DVDs (Cesar Millan, Dog Whisperer! And 30 Days, Season 1)

Looooong vent and analysis... (get those refills, peeps!)

Tonight was rough, I won't lie. I found out my teeth are probably going to cost me maybe $2K-$3K more to fix, between a new nightguard and bite adjusting, maybe a Round 2 of braces, but I'm definitely getting a 2nd opinion.

But I stopped off at my parents on the way home, and it was just my mom there since my father was a Public Works meeting, heh... so we talked weight struggles for a while and I told her I was on Medifast. Not for support, I get that here, but to let her know not to pawn off food on me or expect me to eat certain foods for a while.

Now I've heard negative stuff from her before about Medifast being "weird" or "so expensive"... why not just do Weight Watchers, or cook your own food, eat normally? Why something so "bizarre?"

Sure, it would be ideal if I could immediately begin controlling my portions and cooking all my own food, with natural, organic whole foods. Maybe get in some sheep shearing and butter churning too. Ok, skip the last part. Millions of normal people eat that way, right? Yes, the world over.

But... I'm 35, and I have never yet cooked my own meals AND learned proper portioning. Insane but true! I just realized this myself.

I've certainly cooked plenty, but I stuffed myself if I was alone. If I got take-out, I stuffed myself. The only time I would eat normally was in front of other people. I think I have been overeating since I was a teenager and the only things that slimmed me down before were:

1) Having a very busy on-my-feet job like waitressing or...
2) Not having a car/walking everywhere, like in college or...
3) Living with family/friends who watch me eat every meal

Can you believe that?! No wonder I'm huge!

Some problems here to work on, eh?

So tonight, I said in response to her non-encouragement, "I have to do this. I have wasted enough time with excuses and justifications and going back and forth between diets. I do not want to do Weight Watchers again because I don't want to spend the next 4 years losing weight. I just want it DONE."

(And I spend WAY less on MF than I did on take-out and wine... no question. I've run the numbers and it is astounding how much I could waste on food and wine. Astounding, depressing, horrifying, stupid, addictive, wasteful, just plain BAD. $300-$350 on Medifast? Yes, I am ok with that cost.

Perhaps this was not the most debate-team worthy argument, but I HAVE tried Weight Watchers again, actually several times after I got to my goal with them (under 158) in 2001. I just couldn't stick with it. I don't know if it was because I didn't identify with the leaders who lost sometimes 20-30 pounds, or I got sick of the WW cookbooks, the WW binders, the WW keyrings, the WW pedometer, the WW drinking mug, the WW Points Calculator, the... AHHHH!

Or maybe it was sitting in a small room under flourescent lights, confessing my sins to sympathetic murmurs or more often silence, or my small victories to routine applause. Or paying $10 a week to hear I should eat more vegetables and use less butter.

All right, I sound really bitter about WW, and I'm really not. They do have a healthy program that teaches good habits, but I just stopped bonding with them... and caring.

I have gotten 1000 times more support here across the Internet than I did in those rooms, even though those people were right next to me. This (in my opinion) is a very tight-knit and passionate community and people really do care and are interested in each other's success.

It's true that no one here can stop someone from self-destructing and quitting, or from taking a break and regaining. We try to talk each other out of it, but sometimes people just have to go... and maybe they come back or maybe not. They might have found a different solution or they might have gone back to that very seductive call of Eat All You Want.

Hey, I've done it. I'm not judging anyone, trust me! I'm just saying everyone has to reach their REAL breaking point. There can be a lot of false starts... I know I had, um, several Who's to say that this one will be my last ever attempt at losing weight?

I struggle still; it's not like I dumped all the negative urges the first time I sipped a MF shake.

Speaking of negative urges, driving home tonight, I was hungry, very hungry, and tempted by my old habits. I got home and took out my take-out menus from the recycling and I looked at the pile.

I thought about why I was hungry: too long from last MF shake, normal response, the plan is not to blame. Stressed from work. Tired. Cranky. Cold. Bored.

Still wobbly but I looked at my FitDay record for today and that tiny calorie amount, the delicate balance between carbs/protein/fat. Did I want to blow my 4 on-plan days for one night's pizza? How would that feel afterwards? My jeans that I was wearing had been unbearably tight just last week, I had to unzip them to bend down and tie my shoes. Today, I did that with no problem. Same jeans. The thighs were definitely looser too.

I sat here in my dining room and battled it out in my head. How many more times are you going to do this? Haven't you learned anything from the past 5 years? Giving in to these urges has never made you skinnier. NEVER. And it won't next time either.

Haven't you had enough????

So... I am very happy and relieved to say I got up and made myself a Lean & Green. And it was good. And I want to laugh at my demons -- point the finger and laugh -- because I won.

Sarah 1, Fat 0. Actually... it's Sarah 3 Pounds, Fat 0.

Yeah, you're starting to flag, Fat. Try harder next time, punk.

[DogMa]

I'm way late chiming in here, but I also felt very numb on Prozac. I had much better results with Celexa, although I've been doing great for years on just fish oil (which is wonderful for depression as well as bipolar and heart health and a host of other things).

[bikipatra]

I was never a healthy normal eater either. After I overcame my eating disorders, I was 117 pounds for most of my adult life but didn't eat "like a thin person" or have great eating habits. I lived at work and at 12 step meetings. I routinely skipped breakfast, lived on lattes and would eat pasta and pizza at 9 o'clock at night. I did exercise, but only twice a week, and to keep cute arms not have a healthy heart. If they had donuts at the office I would eat three. I am undoubtedly better nourished on Medifast than I have ever been in my life. I don't think many of the naysayers realize how many nutrients we are getting. I am glad my mother is so supportive and hopes that I can be an example for my overweight since birth sister who know weighs over 300 lbs and is currently on WW. I had a slightly different experience with WW. I did their newer CORE program where you don't count points. I did lose weight, which I haven't gained back, but never attended a meeting. They have an online message board which is very busy but it can get so vicious I was scared. No moderator ever. You guys have made comments that some of my remarks can be dicey-these women were vicious. I definitely love the support and constructive advice on this board. More than the weight loss, this board has defined my Medifast experience. I was so lonely before, because of illness, fear...other things. Thanks.

[DogMa]

BTW, Sarah, great job the other day (Tuesday, when you posted). Victories like that add up, and hopefully will eventually lead to a lifetime of better habits. Although I suspect for many of us those struggles will always be there. I know I still reach for the delivery menus some of the time. Most of the time I fight the urge; once in a while I let myself give in since it's OK to eat that way occasionally now. For me, my compromise is that I try to only do that in a planned way - not just because I'm tired and don't feel like cooking.

[BerkshireGrl]

*fumbles around in the dark*

*stubs toe* (mutters)

*switches on lamp*

OH MY GOD are those my thighs!?

Hey everyone! Good morning, and happy 7-7-07!

I figured today was an auspiciously numbered day to restart, and to get my own numbers on their own path towards luckiness... 'cause right now they're anything but!

I will be back later to say hi to everybody, for now, gotta run and get ready to go exploring on the Hudson River.

Hope you are well

[Serendipity]

Hey sarah! Nice to she your shining face!