All righty...
I am back! Hello all my fellow Medifasters!
Long rambling ahead! Get those drinks ready! Smoke 'em if you got 'em!
I just read through my journal to refresh myself on my various restarts and thrills and chills... Hard to let it sink in that I joined this forum back in 2004, and still have not met goal. The hard truth!
It's strange that I have thought again and again, I want to lose weight. And I have tried. ("Tried" being the operative word.)
Here I am, at my heaviest ever. Over 240. Officially and really 100 pounds over where I would like to be.
A new discovery for me recently was a new roll. On my upper left arm, about half way down. It revealed itself when I was lying on the couch propping my head up, and I felt this odd sensation in the crease of my elbow. EWWWW!!!
Another one was that the chairs at work were shrinking. I have been going around and doing Mac tech support on my coworkers' machines, and so when I found that on several the arms seemed to have been drawn closer together, I thought, whaaa? Then I realized it was my bounteous bum that was the problem.
On one level I was horrified. On another, I thought, eh, so what. You still have the benefit of being able to eat whatever you want, you're still mobile, you have no serious health issues... at the moment.
So I casually thought about the ways I could go about losing weight. There were many. I really felt a bit nutsoid about all the choices rolling around in my head. Of course I talked myself out of all these choices -- letting my greed for total unrestriction take over.
I was reading through the Journals in here, and I was struck by something DogMa said: I can't trust my body when it comes to what to eat or whether or not to exercise.
I am in the very same boat. My body wants one thing... ok, two things. LOTS OF FOOD and BUTT SITTING.
Even in the middle of last night, with a pantry stocked full of a brand-new Medifast shipment, I was polishing off all the non-MF foods in this primitive attempt to clean house.
Yeah I could have just thrown those 2 boxes of Annie's white cheddar pasta shells in the trash, and the butter and the whole milk. But... it was perfectly good food! Waste not, want not! my mom would say. I was thorough. I started off the day with a leftover half pint of Ben & Jerry's, with sprinkles mixed in. Got caffeinated with coffee with heavy cream. Then a BBQ vegan riblet, then 3 veggie corn dogs dipped in the leftover BBQ sauce and ketchup and mustard. That kept me going until 9 pm when I inhaled the pasta in all its cheesy fattiness. Thanks Annie!
I have done this kind of stuff before, and I've read that Dieting causes this. The fear of deprivation drives one to pig out the night before. Therefore, Dieting is bad. Dieting causes binge eating. Dieting causes rebound weight gain. Dieting is not the answer.
These are scary things to write out. I don't want them to be true. Could it be true for me? I have been dieting off and on since college, but really hard-core since 1999. My weight has bounced all over the map, from 208 to 156 then with more dips and climbs on mixed diets, I hit 240.
I read about maintainers here and on other forums, and I ponder HOW do they stick to it? Does it have to be an obsession? Maybe it does. After all, it is sure better to be obsessed about health than it is to be obsessed about take-out.
After being into the diet scene for many years, almost a decade, I admit I go through periods of burnout. I have sold a couple Tanita scales on eBay. I have sold Medifast on eBay too. I've bought books by Geneen Roth that told me to wear sparkly shirts whenever the urge strikes and to eat ice cream for breakfast if I want. I have also dipped into
Overcoming Overeating to read about the best method to cure oneself is to carry around a food bag that contains everything you might be interested in nibbling on at any moment: sweet, salty, crunchy, creamy, crispy... and to eat whenever you want to, as much as needed.
So... I can tell you how eating ice cream for breakfast feels. Gross. Not liberating.
And carrying around a feed bag full of peanuts, roast beef and M&Ms; nah, not for me.
There is this part of me that leaps for joy at the idea of a scale-free home and cupboards full of everything I'd ever want to eat, and a closet full of beautiful clothes that fit me now. Well, if I could leap for joy at 240 pounds.
That's not really me. I don't see the real me as 240 pounds. Every day I spend overweight grates on me. I wouldn't use the word Hate because I don't hate my body... but I don't get off on having a big gut, or saddle bags, or flab under my chin.
Taking out the recycling is an undertaking that ends up with me wheezing, clutching the banister on my way back up the stairs.... Or I am hanging out with friends, and when it comes up, no, I don't want to go dancing because I know I have no endurance for the dance floor, plus I don't want to get out there and let my jiggle loose... or I'm stocking up on 2X shirts at Dress Barn.
I'm 36 and I am moving around like I am 76. I feel like the Tin Man if I sit too long. My hips freeze up. My knees creak. My feet puff up.
At this rate, I'm not sure I would make it to 76.
Despite my misgivings about dieting, I know that the way I have been living is self-destructive. There is no glory or happiness at 240 pounds. This is not wellness. This is not how I want to live the rest of my life.
While there are many ways to lose weight, Medifast drops it off faster than a high-pressure hose
There's an image for ya!
I think Nancy was the one who called Medifast "liposuction in a shaker jar" and it really is. I even turned my sister on to it, and she is eagerly waiting to return to it once she stops breast-feeding her new twins.
What else could you use that regularly drops the weight off, gives you every single vitamin and mineral you'd need daily, plus all the water you need, and just enough calories to feel full and energetic?
I'm at my breaking point, and I need to stay here to get this done.
Let the dueling begin!