by aquarianskye » November 18th, 2007, 2:46 pm
Oh, Jo, I never once meant to offend you. This is just my own personal struggle that I deal with. I know for a fact that I internalize a lot of what is said here. And the drama wasn't even in my own journal. I knew that each of you were just trying to look out for me. And I do appreciate that. I did spend a lot of time thinking about what I would do for the visit before the p's got here...would I be on plan? Off? I just knew that I wanted to enjoy my time and not have to worry about having another supplement. And I wanted to be accountable to you guys so you'd know that I wasn't the ideal picture of a mf user.
I have had quite a problem feeling like I'm part of this board. I know that it's my own 'thing' to deal with. I understand that and I'm dealing with it. I've connected with a few people and have used their support.
I think that Biki said it best when she said "We are all just sick people trying to get well and some are sicker than others. But we have to embrace everyone." I know that it's my struggle.
That being said, I think that this is the first time I've been completely honest. Until now I did not have the nerve to say, hey I'm not doing your plan how you said I should. So, that is a step forward for me. I also don't encourage anyone to do it like me. My own little disclaimer when I hook up with someone new is that "I don't do it how it's written, when I stop losing I will modify what I do."
I don't want to make enemies or make anyone angry. I just wanted to be honest with everyone. I know that it's hard to get back on plan. I think that I've done it more than most people. But I also think that because I'm dealing with my issues on the way that my foodies will stay away once I reach goal weight and not risk having all the #'s lost come back with friends. I never want to be that girl again. I think that if I had truly known what I know now I would have done it differently but when I started it was with no support other than one friend that had done the plan years ago (and again, not as written--she had a nutritionist (FROM MY DR'S OFFICE) that only had her on three shakes a day and then 1/2 a turkey sandwich with a huge salad for dinner). So, again I believed that I could do this however I wanted when I started. I didn't find this forum until way after I had started.
Again, no harm intended. I just don't want people here to accept me for something they think I am when I am not totally honest with them.
I should also mention here that I am back down to 218.2 this morning. It has been a fight but isn't everything really worth having worth fighting for?
I'll be back
Skye
285/233.2/170?
as of 4/8/09