by aquarianskye » September 13th, 2007, 7:31 am
233.4--OH MUH GOD. Let's keep truckin. Yes, I am one of thosepeople. I weigh myself EVERY morning. And a few times through the day. The scale is in my upstairs bathroom so I even go up stairs to tinkle just so I can step on the scale when I'm done. I justify it by saying, at least I'm walking the stairs, right.
So, I had to wait up for the dishwasher to finish last night (it flips over some of my cups and they end up filled with water) anyway, as I waited I turned off the tv and paper journaled. Nice quiet house. Time by myself. I did a lot of reading yesterday when baby was sleeping. I can so relate to what people are posting about. I've been working my way through many journals a page or two at time.
I want this time to be different. I want to get to a comfortable weight and be able to maintain. I feel crazy even thinking about maintaining now but if I can't do it then what's the point of getting there? I remind myself how I maintain all the time now. I will have three really good weeks each month and then blow it the fourth. I maintain my weight. I'm taking this journey ten pounds at a time. I was stuck between 245-250 for about two full months (not eating on plan at this time but no real binges either). Can that be called maintaining? Obviously not maintaining at goal but maintanence none-the-less.
I'm not sure who's journal it was??? Nickiluvs maybe and Biki said something about getting to a real weight not just better than before. Mind you, paraphrasing going on. Maybe that's why I don't succeed in this. I constantly think, well, I did better than two months ago. Or I'm better than yesterday. I can take a day off. I look better than I did at Christmas. It's okay to cheat. I want the best for everyone else. I have always tried to give my kids, hub, family, the best. But not me. Why not me? I know deep down I'm worth it. Fear of failure maybe? Again with the 'why bother' attitude since this one probably won't stick either.
I swear I'm not trying to be negative. I actually feel pretty good about things today. I keep reminding myself that it's not how many times you fall down but how many you decide to get back up. I'm going to keep getting back up. Even when I screw up. Yah, there'll be off days and bad attitudes (I'm the queen of bad attitudes) but I'm going to keep on truckin. Maybe I'll get rid of all the baggage that goes along with my big butt and be able to move on and stay healthy.
Maybe even change my goal weight? Could I actually be NORMAL. Hehe, I'm sure normal wouldn't quite be the correct word for me. How about fit!
Oh, and btw, reading about all you exercise divas has inspired me. I walk like crazy cause it's something I can do when I have screaming meme with me. I have decided to do some 'laps' on my stairs when she is sleeping. I've got 15 stairs. Yes, I counted them the week we moved in. Gotta know how many are there in case I have to take a trip to the kitchen in the middle of the night--and NO it's not for food for my face but for baby drinks!! Anyway, I think I'm going to try for five times straight up and down while meme sleeps.
Hope you are all having an awesome day!