It started Wednesday morning, feeling dizzy at weird times.. heart pounding.. when I checked pulse it was very irregular.. chest feels uncomfortable but not painful. Didn't go to doctor then because I'm not one of those wimps that goes every time they have the sniffles. In fact, besides the yearly gyno, I haven't seen a doctor for over 5 years, and that was only for a life insurance physical.
I felt the same today though, so I did see doctor.
They did 2 ekg's, checked everything.. and all they can tell me is that
1 - my blood pressure is surprisingly good considering my weight.
2 - my pulse is all over the place, it races at no particular time, and that irregular heartbeat is constant.
3 - my blood sugars are normal.
4 - I don't have a "palpable" thyroid, whatever the hell that means.
I have been visably shaking since yesterday.. and my emotions are right there.. I cried all through American Idol last night.. for the losers, for the ones through next round.. they all touched me.. I felt like an idiot. I must have cried no less than 6 times during my 2 hour exam.
They wanted to put me in hospital but I refused, I said if they want to monior my heartbeat, then they can lend me one of those doppler things and I'll wear it, but for now, I won't go into hospital unless it is absolutely necessary.
I don't have proper insurance only emergency travel insurance and whatever I'm covered for under Jeremy's insurance, and I don't want to pay $700 a night for a hospital stay. Canada has socialized healthcare, which is fantastic if you are a Canadian resident which I am not.
The doctors are trying to blame Medifast for this. I have blood tests tomorrow, hopefully we will know then and I can stay on plan.
Until tomorrow, I am supposed to RELAX.. a practice I am not good at at all. How can I relax knowing that my boss is pissed I am missing at least 2 days work.. jeremy and I are going through a really rough part of our relationship.. i have a sister in law that just miscarried and i feel like my jealousy of her pregnancy, the negative energies I directed at her caused her to miscarry.. i have a mom, dad, brother and sister that want nothing to do with me for years and even after reaching out and trying to apologize and mend things, they ignore me.. i have a grandmother in the hospice who cannot walk right now, and her loss of mobility is really really depressing her.. i am in the middle of immigration process.. and if i am turned down for whatever reason, jeremy and i have to come up with some sort of plan that does not include staying here in montreal, my home of 4 years! I have pulled away from my religion many years ago, but in the past 6 months or so, I have been reconsidering the whole God thing.. but to go back to church now it would be so trite.. like I am going only because I am facing these trials in my life.. how can God want to have anything to do with a person that only comes crawling back when there are problems to be fixed?
Relax they say.. Relax!?