The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[monkeegirl]

that tries to one up you in the dieting arena?
I have a weird situation that is so frustrating at times. My friend, who is a very special person, but quite insecure, is driving me nuts these days. I think everyone knows someone like this--they do everything you do. If I buy a movie at the store, so does she, if I start a new hobby, she does too, and when I start a new diet, she does too. I don't mind most the time, but lately it has been quite interesting.

We started Jenny Craig at the same time, and she even requested the same consultant...after a couple weeks, the consultant told me that my friend was trying to pump her for info about how I am doing etc.---and it was not a good situaton. The consultant said my friend told her she was jealous that I didn't have as much weight to lose as she does, and she wanted to beat me to our goals. She has become very obsessive about dieting (talking about it) and her family have even called me telling me they are concerned about how obsessed she is with her weight loss. We have all caught her lying about her weight loss, telling us she has lost way more than she has, and for what reason? She does not talk about anything else, and its becoming an unhealthy fixation. I ended up quiting JC as it was not good for me, I had some health issues going on, and had to have a hysterectomy suddenly---so I didn't tell her I started Medifast. It has been a lovely break from the drama. (I am enjoying having this to myself without having to deal with the daily competition, which is so draining for me emotionally. )

I just feel so bad I don't know what to do! I try telling her in indirect ways that I am proud of her and her achievements, (hoping she will see that I am not competing with her, so she can relax), I also tell her my motivation to lose weight is to become healthy and if it takes several months I am happy about it, just to know I am taking care of myself...but it seems to fall on deaf ears. I don't think I can come out and just address the issue straight on, as she is a very high strung person that tends to freak out about things easily. I just don't understand why she is doing what she is doing--we are friends and should want to uplift each other.

I don't know if I am alone with this odd battle, but it is really upsetting to me to have my friend lying to me and not be able to just confront her and tell her to stop. I don't know if any of you have ever dealt with this issue, but I would love some advise if you have any!

[Elizabeth]

Just curious...how old are you two?

I myself would talk to her about it. That's what friends do.
Good luck.

[monkeegirl]

Not in high school, as much as it sounds to be, lol. I am 35, she is 25. I have never known anyone quite like this, she is my neighbor, so that makes things a bit complicated, if I completely tick her off, I have to live next door to her! LOL

[Jen]

It is hard to give advice when we don't know the entire story but from what you say I would (1) continue to be supportive and friendly, (2) attempt to keep medifast to yourself at least for awhile, and (3) create some boundaries in your relationship, she sounds obsessive.

Good luck with your program!

[MISSANNE]

She wouldn't be my friend anymore. Done.

Who cares if you live next door to her, I don't really ever see or talk to my neighbors. It's hard enough losing weight without the added drama.

I had a friend who was skinny and always tried to get me off plan of whatever diet I was one. I only talk to her every couple months now and haven't seen her in 2 years.

[Elke]

I'm with Michelle on this one. I would be soooo done with her but I would tell her why I needed to break away, if her decided to go physco then so be it. If she is truley your friend you need to talk to her. I had a friend not long ago that for whatever reason doesn't talk to me anymore...I mean AT ALL, no reason just stopped, respect her enough to give a reason for your actions, friends deserve that.

[monkeegirl]

I'm with Michelle on this one. I would be soooo done with her but I would tell her why I needed to break away, if her decided to go physco then so be it. If she is truley your friend you need to talk to her. I had a friend not long ago that for whatever reason doesn't talk to me anymore...I mean AT ALL, no reason just stopped, respect her enough to give a reason for your actions, friends deserve that.

Yeah, that is true. I hate confrontations, but I guess one is due in this situation. I will try to tell her as nicely as I can that I am on to her, lol. Maybe she will snap out of it, cuz I really hate to end friendships--- I would never just cut someone off without talking to them first, that is too bad that happened to you.

[Elke]

Thanks, remember true friendships are hard to come by and if you have it...don't let things get in the way.
As far as my situation, it still hurts me but I try not to let it get to me. I relaize after not being around this person as much she really is stuck on herself and she has no reason too.

[Serendipity]

Real friends don't take that much work. I would certainly be distancing myself from that person.

[kendra_m]

I have a neighbor who has done various weight loss plans (actually both neighbors on either side, one is supportive, one is not. The one who is not supportive, did Atkins for a long time, lost lots of weight, talked to me about it constantly and could not understand why I didn't do it also. Kinda got to the point where she was hounding me and wanting to know all the details of what I was doing. At the time, I was doing body for life.
I didn't want to end our friendship or develop a problem neighbor issue, cuz that is miserable. My strategy was just to share very little info. Even now, I'm very vague with her about what I'm doing. She knows I've lost some weight, but I haven't talked to her in detail about MF. I just had to set up my own boundaries with her. And actually, it was easier that I expected. Sometimes people like that do a lot more talking than listening and they barely notice when you're not talking as much. Sad, but true.

[monkeegirl]

Elke --you are right, true friendships are natural and not as exhausting. I am just one of those folks that would rather try to be there for someone if I can and hate to cut off friendships if there is a way to work through things. I have never really known anyone like her and I guess I feel like God put me here in her life for a reason, so I am going to try and be a good influence on her I feel so bad you had someone drop you like you described, but it sounds to me like you are better without her. It does take time to heal the hurt from troubled relationships, and it is never easy, is it?

Serendipity---Thanks for the advice, it is true she is a person that I don't consider a close friend, and I am going to try to distance myself more.

Kendra--That is exactly what this is like. I care about her and don't want to hurt her feelings, but I also don't like the drama around her most the time. She is younger, and has had some issues in her life that have really hindered her ability to have friendships---I am the only friend she has, so I guess I am her world to her right now. I think as you said, being vague about things and just trying to not get caught up in her drama will help the situation.

I really appreciate your words of wisdom ladies---I didn't mean to sound like I was being petty--it has just been weird to try and start a new diet, recover from surgery, and have someone trying to sabotage my efforts all the time. It is hard enough to diet without dealing with that! LOL