The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Carrie]

I’ve reached a problem area, and I can’t figure out how to let go of one of my issues. I’m gonna lay it right out there, and hope that if I try and explain it, you all can help me understand and get past it.

I’m at my ‘can’t get below it’ weight. I’ve managed to get to this weight a couple other times, but can never seem to push past it. I wind up stalling out here and then gaining again. I sabotaged myself this last weekend, and want to STOP the pattern right here, right now.

This has something to do with men. When I was thin, I got plenty of male attention, doors were always opened for me, men did double-takes to look at me. But of course now I am the invisible woman. They don’t notice me, as a matter of fact sometimes they about run me over and I can’t get out of the way fast enough. I can articulate some of the implications of this problem, but the very root of it eludes me, and I don’t think I’ll resolve it until I understand all of it.

Of course this is rejection. And it’s rejection based on superficiality. I am the same soul I was when I was thin, essentially the same person. The same person that was once so worthy of male pursuit, is now brusquely overlooked. Years of this has made me a touch bitter and angry. And I can’t figure out how to let go of this. I imagine being at my goal weight and dating again and one of the first things I think is that if they don’t want me when I’m fat then they can’t have me when I’m thin. I also picture meeting ‘Mr. Right’, falling madly in love, and then either telling him I used to be fat or having him see an old picture of me and having him either leave me over it or say something like ‘boy you better never look like that again!’.

Obviously, being mid-30’s and single, I have never had a successful relationship (or I wouldn’t be single), and usually I blame that on being fat.

I know how to be a fat person. But I don’t know how to be a thin person that used to be fat. I don’t know how to make peace with the difference between how you’re treated as a thin person vs. how you’re treated as a fat person.

I’m mad at men for not wanting me when I’m fat, but the truth is I look in the mirror and I’m not attracted to what I see either! I also went through a couple years where I told myself that if ‘he’ would just come along, it would solve this problem for me and I’d lose the weight ‘naturally’. I don’t know if the weight is covering up a self-esteem issue, i.e., I don’t deserve love, so I stay fat so it can’t happen to me. I don’t think that’s right, I think I’ve worked my way past that ……… but I don’t really know.

I just know that this a very powerful obstacle for me, and somewhere in this convoluted issue is a major thing I have to resolve to stop my self-sabotage. Does any of this make sense to anyone else?

Carrie

[Landylue]

My couch is empty, ma’am, please deposit 25 cents in the jar on the table. . .

What happened this weekend, Carrie? What was the trigger that lead to the sabotage? As I told Tami once, it’s almost ALWAYS got something to do with M-E-N. So we’ll just take that as a given.

Being thin doesn’t stop being rejected, though, if that is what the other person is hellbent on doing. I remember the absolute love of my life, as he walked out the door, blurting out that he worked hard at keeping fit, and he wanted someone that put in as much effort on their body as he did. I am 5’8” and weighed 140 at the time!

When I weighed 277, I, too, felt invisible in our society. But, I’ve also ‘been to the mountain’ and basked in those wonderful feelings of being thin that Mike so often refers to. There’s nothing like it in the world! And I want you to feel that, also.

I wish I could make all the hurt and feelings of rejection go away, but I can’t. None of us can. But, please don’t let whatever happened allow you to damage the incredible progress that you’ve already accomplished on your fasting program. I greatly admire your wonderful contributions to this forum, and would hate to see you fall away from us. It would weaken everyone you leave behind.

Stay strong, Carrie. Stay close to us.

We care very much about you.

Landylue

[Jeanette]

Amen to Landy's post...and....my perspective...

I have NEVER, EVER been thin. The whole concept of not having extra weight is so foreign to me. I have received more attention from the opposite sex in the last six months than ever in my life. Not only that, women have treated me differently too, but not in a good way. One woman in particular (yes, a large woman) has changed her attitude toward me significantly. She says catty, backhanded things to me. She looks at me with daggers in her eyes for even looking the direction of her husband. Why is it all of a sudden women think you are out to steal their man if you lose weight?? I don't get it!

I wonder if my fear of the unknown (being thin) is sabotaging my efforts? I had not considered it until Carrie's post.

Rejection stinks, no matter what form it comes in. It does burn me that the same people that treated me as less of a person now think I am so wonderful. What, besides my exterior, changed??? Like Carrie said, my soul is still the same!

This sounds like a good issue to journal about!

[Carrie]

Hi Landy,
Thanks........... I'm not sure what's going on .... other than more of the same thing that's been going on for years.

I know that leading up to the weekend I was having trouble because I was faithful to the program and the scale was going up. This is a bad time for me, and I've noticed that if I have a few days of no weight loss, I start thinking about eating. And with the scale going up, I was really teetering on the edge.

As I said this particular weight seems to be an obstacle for me, I haven't gotten below it in years. But I do know that maybe in my subconscious I was expecting to get more male attention when I went out Friday and Saturday. And when it didn't happen, all this old stuff came up and bit me. Resentment, anger, bitterness. Also the setting was significant. It was a songwriters showcase, and talk about your dream guy for me. As a little girl I didn't dream of a knight on a white stallion I dreamt of a man playing a guitar singing a song he'd written for me. Of course, that setting always makes me realize how lonely I am. So maybe it was a combination of things, and the end result was my fall off the wagon. But me doing that didn't in any way punish the men for not falling all over me, it only punished myself.

It's like my old ego has never stopped expecting men to be attracted to me. And I don't mean in any way to make it sound like I need a herd of men drooling over me. There's just such an awful difference between the 2 worlds and a part of me is STILL the thin person screaming 'hey I'm still in here!'

But there is a part of me resisting the weight loss and it is somehow related to me thinking 'If they don't like me now, they can go to hell'. That's a catch 22. If I do start dating when I'm thinner it isn't the guys fault that I used to be fat. AND I can't even have this problem till I get there!

It's like on the one hand, I'm making it impossible to have a man in my life, but on the other, I really want one. Makes no sense.

I'm not giving up, I just feel stuck.

[elle4nelly]

Dear Carie,

A very similar issue came up with Tamil and the folowing was my answer to her. I will post it here because it applies to you too.

Dear Tami:

Let go of the last 2 weeks! Today is a brand new day; it is as the saying goes " The beginning of the rest of your life!"
As for your little situation with that "Male Arse" 'scuse my English here, let it go too. It is nothing more but a reenacting of your childhood battles. Some adults spend most of their times acting out over and over again all their childhood battles but they never use a different tactic thus finding themselves stuck in the same old pattern.
YOU my dear Tami do not love yourself enough. Probably didn’t as a child and learned to cope with these feelings of inadequacy by seeking love and approval from those you loved and when you failed you ate or overate. I read your post many times too. And all I see is a little girl who wants to be loved.
Say Tami? Why don’t you love her enough? Listen carefully to all the post here, from Dear Carrie, Landylue and all your friends here.
This world can be a very cold place BUT what a far more horrible place it is when the one thing you should cherish and take care of, you spent time running away from or fighting with. And that my dear is You. And by you I mean that Body that houses your mind and soul. The only thing you came in this world with and the only thing you will ever, ever
Knowing that, why shouldn’t we love it and treat it right! For if you wait for the world to heal your inner wounds, you’d be heart broken a 1000 times over!! And probably 1600lbs from having eaten your way through pain and misery.
Tami, Love comes from within us. And so does CHANGE! No external change is attainable without inner changes!! We owe it to ourselves to treat ourselves right, to nurture ourselves, to understand ourselves and most of all to forgive ourselves. It’s about accepting who we are first and then changing within reasonable goal what we want to change. We can part from lovers, parents, siblings…we can put a world of miles between us and anyone…But can you part from yourself? No! Tis the one thing you will always live with!! Hating it, abusing it, not liking it etc…doesn’t help! It won’t go away ‘cause you don’t like it! This body is here to stay with you from humble beginning to the very end!! THERE IS NO ESCAPE FROM YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!! NONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So one day at a time, learn to understand you and love you. The rest will fall into place in due time. I am not an expert in anything, but I have deep compassion for my fellow humans and an ability to feel for others. That “ Male Arse” for whom you went spirally down….isn’t even to be blamed. He is a human being whom you can’t control with his own mind, needs and all. And you are placing such a high expectation on him!! You are saying “ I don’t like myself, why don’t you love me so I can feel lovable?” Tami, he wasn’t born from his mother to come on this good old earth and do for you what you have failed to do for yourself. You have failed to love yourself enough! I say, let him go..Let them all go! Till you develop a love of yourself, a kindness for yourself..Let him and all the male classes and species tend to themselves while you tend for yourself. Just temporarily, for if you don’t you’ll be repeating the same old pattern over and over again.” I don’t love me, won’t you love me so I can feel better about liking myself. I can’t bear you not responding to me the way I want, It makes me feel lost, angry and scared and that inner voice within me keeps getting louder, I hate it, So I’ll just eat to numb this all. “ Sound familiar?
You deserve all the LOVE, KINDNESS, HAPINESS and PEACE within yourself. Because you are you, because you are beautiful no matter what. Well ..Just because you deserve it. Take a deep breath and face yourself!! Be brave, for it isn’t easy facing oneself when we don’t love ourselves. Forgive yourself, and from now on treat yourself right! Do something good for Tami, tell her she is a beautiful being and deserve nothing but good. Give yourself that goodness. By nurturing yourself and allowing yourself to grow, and most important by allowing yourself TO BE TAMI. Don’t be afraid anymore of your inner little girl, listen to her and stop running away from her or suffocating her with food! It will be a painful process but your life will be changed for the better!

You know Carie? You are not invisible, less you make yourself invisible. You are not insignificant less you make yourself insignificant!!
Just like I had told Tamil in my post above, STOP fighting the little girl within you. LOVE her and the world will love with her. This isn't about men, It 's all about you! How dare we demand that a mere common mortal, A "Man" love us when we don't love ourselves first? No one and I mean no one was put on this earth to do for you what you are failing to do for yourself. Accepting, Understanding and Loving yourself!! Don't base your self worth on how men react to you. For you might end up among the walking wounded. Carie? I will say this with love BUT I mean every word I'm about to say to you:

GET A GRIP!!!!!!!! YOU ARE MUCH MORE WORTH THAN THE SUM OF ANY MEN FEELINGS TOWARD YOU. YOU ARE CARIE, THE BEAUTIFUL, AT SIZE 26, 22, 14, OR 6. RESPECT, UNDERSTAND, CHERISH AND LOVE YOURSELF NO MATTER WHAT!
You are more powerful than a look, a candy bar ...heck..you are more powerful than FAILURE!!!!!!!!

Don't know about you, but this diet ain't for no men. I too am a mid thirty single female. This diet is my attempt to make peace with my body and soul. I want to feel and look mighty good for myself. Oh...mr. Bill isn't going away, mr. Lottery might still hide away...My job will still bore me some days...But all will seem lighter and easier to cope with somehow...because to be thin is "Soul Freedom and Inner Peace and Happiness"for me ..And that is much more worth then all the guys in this Universe. It is something that cannot be purchased.
It isn't something that another Human being can bring me. I have to find it within me and strenghen it. Losing this sould burdening weight will lead me there!

Let go of your hung ups....love yourself and do what what's right.

Nelly

[Landylue]

Incredible post, Nellie, just incredible--you have definitely earned the 25 cents Carrie left in the jar.

Carrie, you said, "...that didn't in any way punish the men for not falling all over me, it only punished myself." I don't believe you were punishing yourself at all, you were comforting yourself--and the little girl that Nellie was referring to in her post. I'll wager that's how your mom comforted you when you were little--with food. Mine used cookies as hugs, and provided them freely. We just have to retrain ourselves to show our 'child within' love and comfort in other ways now.

Song writers? Be still my beating heart! I am also deeply, incredibley, and PROFOUNDLY moved when someone sings a song right to me. I've had it happen three times in my life, and I get absolutely LOST--almost dizzy-- within the experience. Dang! Just thinking about it gives me goosebumps! I can't believe I married a guy that can't carry a tune in a bucket!!! Anyway, no wonder it was a tough evening for you. If THAT was the trigger for you, it is totally understandable. I think I'd think twice about going to any more of those meetings for awhile, though.

You are going to make it through this, Carrie. And we won't LET you leave us. You and I will both make it to the 40# Club in no time. Just stay the course.

Landylue

[Carrie]

Jeanette,
I understand. It's just a fact that people treat you differently depending on what size you are and how you look. That's what I'm getting at, fair or not, this is something I have to deal with (and all the rest of us too). Like Mike said people used to say 'hey Your Largeness' and now they say 'hey skinny'. Whether you laugh or not, the comments hurt. When someone says something about a fat person in my presence it HURTS ME. And I have a personality quirk that when I do get a comment a part of me is pleased, but another part thinks 'was I really so bad before?'

Nelly, I don't think this is about me not loving myself, or expecting a man to complete my life. I have lived alone for a very long time. And over the last few years I have come to be comfortable being who I am, liking who I am and loving myself. I believe that's how I've gotten here, to finally dealing with my weight problem. I do not need a man to make everything ok. I handle my life just fine, I take care of everything that needs to be done. But that does not mean that I still don't get lonely, or wish I had someone special in my life. That's just human nature. Let's face it, I would be happier if I had Mr. Wonderful waiting dinner on me at home, with a drawn bubble bath and the massage oil warming. But until he comes along the bottom line is I am fine and making it on my own. I may have to make it on my own for the rest of my life, I hope not, but I am prepared to do that, rather than settle for the wrong guy.

The issue here for me (and thanks Nelly, you've helped me clarify it some in my mind) is that while I am still the same person I ever was (just changing size) society treats me like 2 different people.

My life as a thin person: I never had to buy a drink at a bar if I didn't want to, I could've gone home any night with any number of guys (not saying I did, just saying I had the option), I never had to open a door if there was a guy around, men stared at me as I walked by and risked whiplash in their cars to turn and look at me. Men wolf whistled, or hollered something like 'hey beautiful!' at me.

My life as a fat person: I can sit at a bar all night long and not have one man talk to me. Men let doors slam in my face, rather than hold them open, they practically don't even see me anymore. The occasional young man will shout 'That's a LOT of woman', or 'Go on a diet' at me.

And yes, there are differences with women, but I don't care about those right now, they're not what's bothering me, what's bothering me is the guy stuff.

I am saying that right now I don't have a lot of dating options. And I have a bad attitude about the probability that as I lose weight my dating options will suddenly get considerably better. It is going to happen. I guarantee it. And it really isn't fair and it really isn't right and I don't know how to put a positive spin on this in my head. Maybe this is my way of sabotaging my diet. But I can tell you that if Leisure Suit Larry (to use Mike's phrase) comes along and asks me out sometime down the road, he just may be my Mr. Wonderful, but I will never know it if what goes through my head is, 'You ass, you never looked at me before, but now all of a sudden you're interested?'

My self-defense mechanism is my fat. And I am losing my protection from all the nasties in life. Fat is my excuse for why I haven't met Mr. Right, for why I didn't get a job, or someone was rude to me, it's why everything does and doesn't happen to me. It is who I am. If I get to my goal weight what will I have as a crutch? I won't be able to say 'That guy slammed the door in my face cause I'm fat' anymore. What do I do say 'That guy slammed the door in my face cause he's an ass?' Well, that I can do.

BUT I am having trouble accepting the FACT that my role in society is changing. And what exactly do I do when ........ let's say I have a boyfriend and he sees a picture of me at 260 pounds. Yipes. Even when I am thin, I'm going to have to find a guy who doesn't care that I was once fat!

I guess the bottom line is that I am balking at the position society has put me in. It shouldn't matter but it does. And it would just be nice if it didn't.

And I am struggling to fight my knee-jerk reaction of eating when things bug me. Thinking 'well if losing weight is causing this much trouble, then just stay fat' is not what I wanna wind up thinking. This is about me needing to learn to rethink my reaction to the way the world works with regard to fat people. I have to find a way to let go of my anger and resentment and just lose the weight anyway and deal with the rest later. The world isn't going to stop being prejudiced against fat people whether I stay fat or not. And I guess I'll just ........... fake it till I figure out what to do about the opposite sex. There's gotta be some way to leave the baggage behind with the pounds.

Carrie

[Carrie]

Actually, this reminds me of a lot of my arguments/discussions with my mother. I'm a realist, but I'm also an idealist. I live in reality every day, but I fight against it sometimes for things I feel are right and true - the way they SHOULD be.

My mom doesn't bother, she just says 'that's the way it is', and I always say 'Yes that's the way it is, but that doesn't mean it's right'.

Ideally, people (society) would value me exactly the same way no matter what I look like. Realistically, ain't gonna happen. Either way, it's no excuse to not lose weight.

[Guest]

These Ill beings you described were here a million years and ago and will always be there! Am I saying it right? NO!! But many came on this Good old earth to tame the likes of those you've mentioned. The mean people and all their classes. Some got poisoned, some got crucified and some died of old age. And yet the mean are still with us.
What I am saying to you is this:

IF your intent is to lose the weight, If you crave that thin you that used to be. Then let go of any the lamenting and be that girl again!! And let nothing stand in your way to achieving your dreams, not even your fears and doubts!! Conquer them ! Unless...a thinner you isn't what you want! In which case, just accept yourself as is regardless of whether others do or not. "cause when the curtains fall and lights goout of your life...they won't there with you! This is your life and no one else's. And you only get one shot at this life. You may reach the end of your journey still missing this or that But this journey will have been worth its while just for trying. What is it you want in order to be happy? I am not clear on that? Is it that you are tired of dieting, wish you could stop right here but resent others not treating you the way you want thus forcing you to continue with what you're tired off." Dieting"?
Is that it?
Open up Carie...let's us help you out of this psychological rut you're in....

Nelly

[Guest]

Mothers are often right!!!!!!!!!

But I'm already seeing the Strong Carie coming back to life. You're stronger than you think. And yeah...the ideal world would be so nice...but we don't live in such a world. You 'll make it carie...yes you will!!!!!!!!!

Nelly

[TamiL]

Carrie
Gosh....we are so much alike in our ways of thinking its amazing...reading your post is like reading MY MIND!! I too am single at 32 years old...I too have been FAT my whole life..struggled with weight...and Men. My Marraige fell apart when my xhusband fell in love with another younger, skinny woman....and my journey started then....

I ate my pain away....him leaving me for another woman did not motivate me at all....food was the comfort for me...so I ate and ate and ate...and I found that when I ate...and got fatter and fatter that Men did not see me. Woman liked me more...and I had no worries. I didnt not even like to look at myself...so why would men?
Now...after loosing half my weight...I notice Men noticing me...and its SCARY...perhaps this is why I have been fat most of my life...its kind of like a "protective" suit...to protect me from men...from the hurt and rejection that comes along with "trying" something new...or wanting the attention of someone who does not notice you.
I decided to LET IT ALL GO...after a few rounds with rejection a few months back...and get myself to my goal weight...really learn to love myself again....and get comfortable with TAMI first and get to know her as a THIN person....and let go of all the past hurts and rejection....
NOT LOOK for my knight and shining armour...but just LIVE and let happen what may.....
Carrie...I know exactly where you are...when I finally meet someone..do I want them to know or see pictures of me when I was my highest weight of 240 years ago? or see me at 190,180,170 in pictures from not that long ago?? my body has the MARKS of my UPS and downs with weight...the badges of the WARS with the FOOD!! stretch marks....loose skin...you name it....but you know what? now that I am getting older..I think this way: if I meet a man who does not like me for my SOUL..my personality and what I was once...and am now...what I have accomplished and overcome....then the hell with HIM!! when you meet the right person...he is not going to CARE if you have been fat before...or if you stuggle with weight. I will always struggle with this food problem....I have since I was born...and will till the day I die...but when you meet someone who you are comfortable with....and who loves you for YOU...nothing you did or looked like in the past will matter.
I get scared alot...cuz I think Im never going to have what I always dreamed of...a nice house...a family...a man who loves me unconditionally....but once I get myself in order...I think everything else will fall into place!!
Im right there with you Carrie.....but OUR PRINCE CHARMINGS are out there....searching for us...and one day...they WILL FIND US!! for right now..I think we need to keep shakin...get ourselves to where we want to be FIRST....and let the peices fall into place as they will!!

Hang in there my friend....you are beautiful...inside and out....the weight will come off and you will find that men will start noticing again...perhaps the ones that arent noticing now..the ones that are missing out on knowing you cuz you may carry a few extra pounds...will want to know the "new" you....but YOU STICK your nose up at those Men when you strut your stuff at your goal weight..THE HECK with them....the ones who didnt give you a second look as you are now....they DONT DESERVE to know you at ALL!!!

you are not alone in this my friend....together..we will come to understand all this....first, we have to get to the gold at the end of our rainbows.....then the rest will fall into place!!

Tami

[Guest]

Tami, my beautiful one!
What you said was heartfelt, sincere and abolutely true and to the point. It warms my heart to see how much you've grown emotionally...it seems just like yersterday...you were a tiny lost little girl....
I know now you'll be okay!!
And Carie You will get to your own self realisation too. And when you do...the sky will open up and you will soar for your dreams regardless of wha you have, don't have , wish you had and etc....
We have but ONE life to live! Let us rid ourselves of pain, self doubts, fears and all teh prevents us from being trully happy with ourselves. All things will fall into place eventually. Yes it will!

You guys are wonderful!

Nelly

[Carrie]

Hi again guys.........thanks............you've helped me figure out at least in part what's going on.........I've still got a lot to think about but basically, here goes:

I think it's an identity crisis of sorts.

While I have said that my soul is still the same (regardless of my size), and that I am the same person regardless of size, but that is only partly true. I have been considerably overweight for almost 15 years now, and it has become part of who I am. I have a 'fat identity'.

The majority of the time there is something weight-related going through my mind. Thinking about needing to diet, trying to diet, thinking about having failed at my diet, what I was going to eat next, what people were thinking of me, etc etc etc. It is 99% of my cognitive time. But the biggest part of my fat identity is the fact that it is insulation against life. Like I've said, it's why things happen to me and why they don't. It's my instant excuse, something to hide behind.

Right now I don't fit in either world. I don't fit in the fat world anymore (because I'm changing the way I think, and what I expect of myself) and I don't belong in the thin world either. And a lot of the angst was brought on by the weekend. I used to live in Nashville (the perfect place if you're a songwriter) but I hated everything else about living there. So ..... well if I had stayed there, that very well may have been my life. And sometimes it sucks when the life you didn't have flashs before your eyes. But having it come up this way, made it seem like it was all about men, but it's really all about me.

I am having trouble giving up my fat identity. It's who I am. And it's been so long since I was the other person that I've forgotten her. I think that for the immediate future what I need to do is be anti-social. Stay at home, watch a lot of movies, read books, play my guitars, and insulate myself as much as possible. And just work towards my goal. Channel all this into something creative and internalize the process.

I have this HUGE chip on my shoulder about being treated so differently. And I have to figure out how to let go of it. But it's a major component of my 'fat identity', and it's gotta go. I think, basically, I'm like a kid with a binky. This fat is my security blanket, and I'm throwing a tantrum about giving it up. It's just that I have to work through it, and not let it be an excuse to stop losing weight. I'll still be me - I'll still be here - when I lose the weight, I'll just get to let go of all the garbage that comes with being fat.

Anyway, that's what I think is going on ................ but I reserve the right to ask for my place back on the couch!

Thanks guys, I can't tell you how much you helped.
Carrie

[Alison]

Hi Carrie,
I actually had to think about this one for a while. If you think you have lived some kind of dual life you are correct. There are people in this world that only know me as fat and some who think I am thin. You see I am an extreme yo-yo dieter. The problem is I can't take it anymore. Three years ago I ran a marathon today I couldn't run 3 miles. I actually avoid seeing people for months even years until I can look like I did the last time I saw them. My whole perception of myself hinges on my thiness or fatness. Scary! But I must say a lot of my response is to how majorly different one is treated when you are thin or fat. I am doing MF to learn how to loose weight at a healthy pace (it's about 1 lb. a week for me) and to learn how to incorporate food properly. If you think the right man will come along and your weight will not be an issue anymore think again. I am married. My husband married thin me he has since seen fat me. He still loves me but I am sure he is not as attracted to me now. Honestly, either am I. I don't hate myself or anything like that I just know I look better thin. My weight affects everything. I am sure part of me not being as attractive to him when I am fat is that I am unhappy, negative and introverted. I won't go on vacation anywhere requiring a bathing suit which affects him. I won't go out to eat regularly. I am always cranky. I hate meeting new people. The list goes on. Just remember that if you let your weight affect how you perceive yourself than everyone in your life will also be affected by your weight and you can't blame them for that. The truth is I have tried to blame my husband for my weight on occasion claiming he was embarrassed by me etc. The truth is I am embarrassed and those feelings are my own and no one else can change them but me. What you are going through is normal and painful and sad but it is the world in which we live. You can only change yourself. As far as meeting someone and being worried about what they would think if they knew how big you once were. Men don't care. It's the here and now they're interested in. I promise. I have gained and lost weight over the last 5 years only to come to realize I never embraced the thin me. I didn't think I was good enough to be that happy. I was wrong! This is my last weight loss journey. I know I will respect myself enough to maintain my loss and let myself lead the free and happy life I deserve. My husband deserves that from me as well.
Just my experiences.
Alison

[Echo]

Hi Carrie,

My best friend in the whole world is a songwriter in Nashville. And he loves me thick or thin, and helps me see that my value as a person isn't found in the tag on the back of my jeans. And it isn't found in what other people think of me.

We can't measure our success by how attractive we are to the opposite sex. I am so much more than how big my butt is, and so are you! I'm sure there are a lot of things about you that make you a wonderful person, regardless of your weight. Focus on those things, and find other ways to comfort yourself besides food. Trust me, food is the way I comfort myself when I'm down and celebrate when I'm up.

As for anyone meeting you thin and leaving if they saw a fat picture of you, good riddance. Anyone who would think less of you for tackling your weight gain, and doing something positive about it, and succeeding in reaching your goals doesn't deserve you! Every success story I read here, each goal met by you guys, inspires me. You guys are amazing!

Echo-Who aspires to be a big loser!