The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Elizabeth]

You're shrinking Alex...235! Congratulations.

[alpha femme]

this morning, i weighed in at 233.
it feels so, so good to see the numbers moving down again.
i don't have enough time in the day for anything right now.
everything is coming to a head....
seeing my weigh drop down steadily has been helping me stay sane.
yeah, ok, less crazy...

[DogMa]

That's awesome. I'm glad to see your numbers dropping again, too!

[kmr]

Congrats Alex!

[alpha femme]

still 233.
tom day 1.

[DogMa]

Hey, seen you lurking a few times. How's it going, Alex? And how's the pup?

[Serendipity]

I know you're out there, Alex. Show us your beautiful self.

[alpha femme]

[alpha femme]

uhm, ok.
status check...

weight: 228, but not moving again.

height: 5'4.5" and shrinking with age

career: a little screwed; my comps are tomorrow, and it's not looking good.

clothes: i can no longer wear shirts from the fat girl stores; the 14/16 is too big... although i try to get away with one sometimes. pants are a size 18.

skin: yeah. not so good.

love life: possibilities. i met someone a while ago and we've been out a few times... had the "i like you, you like me" talk... but i'm still dating because i'm not sure i'm ready for anything more. i'm not thinking she is, either. besides, she'll eventually have to figure out that she is way out of my league. i can't seem to stop talking when i'm around her, and i've tried everything but duct tape; she makes me nervous. great boobs, though.

my boobs: m.i.a. my friends have all suggested i show more cleavage and enjoy them, but this requires a $50 bra with enough padding to give the illusion of girls. as a compromise, i have two fantastic bras that make me look gifted. the other days, i just enjoy other people's... see previous point.

[alpha femme]

today marks six months on mf.
i'm currently 227, which is 73# less than what i started with.
more importantly, it's 173# less than what i weighed at my largest.

i am pleased that i have lost 73#, but i cannot deny that i feel the loss should be more rapid. it feels weird to have something i am so intimately linked to (my body) fight me at every turn. clearly, my ass feels it needs to hold on to every ounce of lard it can. i have spoken, ad nauseum, to my thighs; one day, they might listen.

in the mean time, i just keep hoping for the best-- and not eating the worst.

inside, i still feel like i weigh 400#. i don't know how, if that will change. it kills me sometimes. the body issues, are (of course) compounded by my new enemy: sagging skin. i have it. my thighs look like they are melting. my stomache is getting weird lumps in the middle where the residual fat is gathered. it is depressing and humiliating.... but, it is mine. i purchased this body through years of neglect. it is my hope that constant rennovation will leave this structure inhabitable once more.

[Nova]

Sounds like you need a hug. I swear, Alex, I could have written most of that post myself. All the way from the big overall losses to the slowdowns to the stubborn body to the really icky loose skin. I did some pushups the other day wearing just some shorts and a sports bra. I looked down at my stomach and nearly freaked out seeing that loose skin hanging down. Aieeee! I'm just hoping and praying that over a year, it tightens up. I think it should. I really hope it will.

You're doing exactly what you need to be. This is a journey, and for some of us, it's a long one. You sound like you're making good choices, both in your food and in the rest of your life.

by the way, I think you look totally hot and very cute in your avatars and the pictures I've seen. Let's just say if I played on your team, I wouldn't kick you out of my bed. When you look in the mirror, tell yourself that you ARE good looking and healthy and skinny. I mean geez, girl, you lost 173#. You should be damned proud of your accomplishments. It's more than a lot of other people can manage. They're the ones currently running over toes in their motorized scooters while buying donuts at Wal-Mart. You are not that person! You are fun and happy and healthy and sexy, and don't you forget it. Or I'll have to come over there and beat it into your head myself.

[alpha femme]

thanks, nova.
if i dated men, i probably wouldn't even worry about it. cause, well... frankly, they're a lot less picky by the time that time rolls around.
women notice everything!

YOU are totally hot, though.

i'm amazed at what i'm missing by not living in texas.
the women in here have taught me an appreciation for the fly-over states.

[DogMa]

Ha. Not to diss Texas in any way, but many of us aren't actually FROM here. I know Nova hasn't been in Houston all that long (a year, maybe? I think she moved there not long after I moved here).

[Nova]

Yeah, I just moved to Houston last August, just in time to evacuate for Hurricane Rita. What a nightmare. I'm originally from Virginia, and I love it back there. Houston/Texas...not so much. Although I do plan to tour around the state if I'm ever able to take time off from work.

[petladyinRI]

Just finished reading this entire journal in one afternoon (punctuated by life, as necessary). WOW. As it occurs to me, but in no other particular order...

I hope Lilly a/k/a Cleopuptra is recuperating well from her surgery. There is no greater gift than unconditional love, and I believe animals do that better than people. Any relationship I ever had with anyone other than an animal lover always ended badly. From her pics, I am guessing she has Lab and Jack Russell in her, both NOT known for their laid back demeanor. My JRT was Gerald McBoing-Boing at 15 years old. He had two speeds: High and asleep.

I wish we had 24 hour gyms where we live. Ours all close at 9PM.

You only mentioned writing a book once. If it is at all as compelling, honest, and funny as this journal, you should definitely do it. I'd buy it.

Even before I read this, I used to look at your avatar and think how good-looking and sexy you were. No sh*t. But I find even the women most publically applauded for their beauty have big insecurities about their looks and their bodies. It's the nature of our society and its values. Now that I have read this, I know you are not just another pretty face.

Many of us have histories of abuse from others, emotional, physical, or both. It is hard to know when the damage begins, perhaps with our parents, perhaps later, but once we internalize it, I think we are predisposed to either pick relationships which continue to abase us or refrain from intimacy entirely. It took me years of therapy to get past this.

Big hugs to you and to Lilly.