The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[alpha femme]

not so much.

i've dropped down to 238.5, but if you look at the loss rate for the last 2 months, i would have done better just eating normally and walking. i do, however, like medifast for other reasons.... not having to think about food being #1.

so, i am starting to add another 2-300 calories every day/other day through a protein shake that i used when i was dropping before. it's very low carb and high protein, so it should help. these days, i've been trying to drop the carb count below 75. i guess we'll see what happens.

the next 4 weeks are huge with school and work, so it would be nice to have something going right, you know?

puppy says, "what up," to all of you who have shown us support.

[DogMa]

I think you definitely could use the extra calories and protein, Alex. It sounds like you work out a lot, and Medifast just wasn't designed for that.

I hope it works!! And how IS the pup doing? Is her recovery going a little better these days?

[alpha femme]

well, i'm down to 237 today.

lilly is a menace and does not appreciate how much money i spent on her damn leg; she keeps trying to run, jump, and tear it up. damn dog. she's always been really energetic and bouncy, so being confined is hard on her, but i'm truly worried about the fact that she isn't letting it heal. she still keeps her weight off the leg more often than not.

i guess we'll see...

[alpha femme]

i inherited a wool, 3/4 length, london fog coat from my ex last year.
it's a size large, and i remember thinking how tiny she was getting when we bought it. it's double breasted, so there is a lot of extra fabric in the front if you leave it open. last year, she gave it to me and told me to wear it open (it still wouldn't close in front).
i tried it on today.
the damn things fits, buttons, and looks good.
a large coat fits.
i seriously remember how proud i was of the ex when she bought it. i just thought she looked amazing. and i can't see myself as being that same size. but the same coat fits. i stood there in front of a mirror, and stared at this buttoned up coat...
and i couldn't recognize myself anymore.

[DogMa]

That's awesome, Alex!! I know you don't see yourself that way, but I bet you look great in it!

And I'm sorry the pup's still struggling. Has she been in for a recheck yet? Maggie still ran on three legs for a long time because I think it was just faster and easier for her. I'd have to put the leash on and make her walk slowly to make sure she used the bad leg.

[Sojourner]

That's awesome, Alex!! I know you don't see yourself that way, but I bet you look great in it!

OMG Robin! I'm surprised those words didn't scorch your fingertips as you typed them!!


But yeah, Alex, that ROCKS!!
Great NSV, congrats!!

[Serendipity]

Sometimes it takes proof....like a size large coat fitting....to bring us up to the present, Alex.

lilly sounds just like my kids.....they never appreciate the sacrifices we make for them. Have you tried bribery?

[kmr]

i stood there in front of a mirror, and stared at this buttoned up coat...
and i couldn't recognize myself anymore.

Isn't it great when the OUTSIDE starts matching the beautiful INSIDE? It's nice to have balance. You go girl!

[alpha femme]

thanks, you guys.

i kinda wish the scale would move, too.
it's very frustrating, cause i'm very careful with my diet, and during this extremely stressful time it would be nice to have some concrete proof that i am improving.

ok....

here it is.

this would normally go in miss lilly's blog, but as i have recently discovered, women are very, VERY sneaky. they will snoop and find if they want to know more about you. i guess i could date the dumb ones, but i love the strong, fiery, independant, intelligent women... so, i just have to stay one step ahead.

i like chubby girls. i do.
lately, however, i have been meeting thin-er women.
and sometimes i feel like i am out of my league, looks-wise.
this bothers me.

at 400#, i felt horrible.
at 237, i still feel it.
and, to be honest, the only thing that is a turn off to some women is insecurity. but i can't shake it these days. it bothers me... tremendously.

yesterday, i spoke to R 5x. Seriously, she calle me 5x throughout the day (that does bother me, cause that was crap my ex would do, but that's a whole different story). So, obviously, she is interested. the thing is, i look at her little rockin' pilates body and think, "girl, you could do a lot better."

people don't seem to see me the way i see myself.
but i know 237 is freakin' big.
i don't really feel like i know who or what i am anymore.

[Serendipity]

I specifically remember feeling that way at around that weight. I had lost 40 or so pounds and everyone was telling me how great I looked. Well....ummm....I knew what the scales said. I KNEW I didn't look all that great, yet and I had so much trouble taking compliments because I would think....yeah, you do look better than horrible, but you can't look good at 240.

Given time, these feelings subside and as you lose more, you will start to look and feel even better about yourself. This is just where you are right now, Alex. It's temporary. For me, I think I was around 200 or so before I really started believing the compliments. What it took was seeing someone else who weighed 200 and thinking that they looked normal....a little pudgy, but normal. I couldn't tell looking at myself, it took seeing someone else at my size to finally see that I was becomming very normal.

[THINKnTHIN]

I agree with Jo. I spoke about that feeling yesterday in my journal. Even though I have lost weight and am looking better, I still don't feel attractive and feel as if no matter what my weight, I won't be in the raving beauty catalog....and yes, beauty comes from the inside, I sure hope the confidence gets here soon also. I think it is a really hard mind shift to "see" yourself as others do, the "whole picture" is really not just the body and its size. Hang in there!

[Nova]

Alex, you are doing so fantastic! I had all the same issues you do, with people telling me I looked great when I knew in my head that I still had a long way to go.

But ask yourself these questions. Do you respect the person's opinion on other things? If you saw someone else losing weight and inches and looking good, would you tell them and mean it? Then believe the other people when they say the same things about you. Step outside yourself and look at yourself through other eyes. Give yourself credit for how far you've come.

Sometimes, especially at the stage you're at now, you have to take it on faith that what other people are seeing and saying about you is correct. Accept that, and soon, your mental image will catch up with what others are saying about you.

I'm so proud of you.

[kmr]

So, obviously, she is interested. the thing is, i look at her little rockin' pilates body and think, "girl, you could do a lot better."

Alex,
"Alot better in what way?" is my question. Don't sell yourself short! Between your great personality, your intelligence, and I've seen your recent pic....you got it going on! And you're only going to get better! The main thing is.... that you know where you want to be..... you know how to get there...... and you're taking the proper steps to do it. You'll get there, but in the mean time enjoy the ride! I'll make this brief so I won't end up writing a book . I was fortunate enough to meet "Mr. Right" and get married at a young age (24yrs.) And of course I met him when I wasn't looking and at that point in my life couldn't be bothered. But before I met my husband and I was still a little "hottie" (hee hee ) I had my fun. And let me tell ya.... there are 2 kinds of partners. The kind you have fun with (arm candy) and the kind you commit yourself to. And the kind you commit yourself to has NOTHING to do with the way they look. It has all to do with who they are as human beings. And if they happen to be "hot" then that's just a bonus! You can only look at someone for so long....then what? There has to be more, to be able to want to commit with someone. It's all about the inner attributes a person has, that money can't buy, that draws people to want to share their life with another person (at least for me it is.) No matter how well we take care of ouselves, if we're lucky to live long enough, we all regress, we all start to "lose it" at one point or another. In my profession, I can honestly say....I have seen it ALL! And the human body can be one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen and in an instant that same body can turn into one of the most repulsive things I have ever seen. Nothing tangible is permanent in life. But the core of a human being remains the same whether in a diseased state or not. That is what is most important. You're doing great! And don't ever let another human being lower your self worth because in the end that is what we ALL are..... human beings who are not perfect and never will be no matter who we are. Just strive to be the best you can be and enjoy the ride of life and learn as many positive life lessons as you can through both good and bad experiences. GO GIRL!

[DogMa]

I think some of us will be struggling with body issues for a long time to come (and yes, Sojourner, I definitely saw the irony when I was typing that last response!). I've been watching that "Biggest Loser" show, and the female TRAINER talks about struggling with the very same things.

I know when I see other people who supposedly are the same size and weight as I am, I don't see them the way I see myself. I don't know why, and I don't know if/when it will ever change. What I do know is those women couldn't "do better" than you, Alex. You're smart, you're funny, you're a good person and you're very pretty no matter what your size (but especially in the more recent photos; you really have a very pretty face). You're also active and have some fun interests (go, Ducks!!). And heck, you're a dog lover. The Pilates woman would be lucky to have you.

[alpha femme]

sometimes it's good to put a weight/size/status marker in here, because the tickers change and time makes memory a soft and fuzzy mirage.

i am 5 months (and 2 days) into this journey.

i weigh 235 lbs.

i wear a loose 20 in pants.

i can wear some xl shirts, some xxl shirts, and the large wool coat.

my shoes are pretty much all being replaced because they are so loose that they are giving me blisters.

my losses have slowed dramatically, but i haven't gained or anything.

i'm still a little broken, but i'm trying to forget that.