The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[alpha femme]

well, i have a kind-of blog already. my dog writes it, and it deals with more than just the weight loss issues, but often goes there....

my name is alex. i'm 30. i have gone through some huge life changes, and i feel like removing myself from food addiction and the world of obesity is a huge and imprtant step in reclaiming myself. my intro comment tells some of the story...

i have always been overweight. my habits were definitely learned from family that used food as their only way of socializing. to nip that in the bud, i tell EVERYONE that i am on medifast. there are no date issues, social issues, etc. when people spend time wih me these days, they know that food is an issue i am dealing wih actively an we will not be breaking any kind of bread together. so far, most people have been extremely understanding.

my highest weight was 400lbs. i lost 100 of that over the last couple of years. i have what i feel is a realistic goal of 160 as my ideal weight. i will absolutely have skin issues cause they're already starting. i know that i will probably always be "curvy." but i certainly do not have to be obese.

this forum has been a lifesaver for me. not just because of the weighloss questions, but because i can come here and be reminded that i am acting for change when all of the other issues in my life seem overwhelming.

i was going to the gym 5-6x a week before all the upheaval in my life, and i have decided that on 600 calories a day a brisk walk would probably be more beneficial. even a nice bike ride-- although my bike has begged me to take it easy on her.

i have been frustrated with my weight loss so far, because i feel like i should have seen more-- and the scale hasn't moved in several days, but i will keep doing it. as someone's signature says, time is going to pass whether i diet or not.

my birthday is in october. i do NOT want to be 31 and obese. i just cannot be. i have struggled through too much in my life to lay down and die with a cookie in my mouth. i want to do so many things.... i want to learn to dance. i want to scuba dive. i want to skydive. i want to be able to buy clothes at any store and know i look good in them. i want to be able to go on any amusement park ride i want. i want to feel confident again.

i want to rediscover who i am.

i feel like i have made many compromises in my life because i am so heavy.

i know there is more than this.

[alpha femme]

well, it's been a week since i've lost any weight. i guess it's safe to say that i have officially plateaued. i would like to say that it doesn't bother me because i know the weight will come off, but it does.

mf works well for a lot of people, but it is fairly costly.... and that makes it hard to feel like i'm just spinning my wheels. <shrug> recently single students who have limited financial resources tend to be more impatient, i guess.

[DogMa]

A plateau is common three weeks or a month in. Please give it a little more time, and I'm sure the weight will start coming off again. I know it's hard to be patient, but chances are you'll more than make up for it in the next week.

[alpha femme]

so, i've been thinking. there are a lot of things i can do single that i would never have been able to do as part of a couple. mf is one of them.

i changed my eating habits to support my ex when she had a gastric bypass, but she would not have been supportive of me doing this. oh, she would have SAID she was, but then she would have brought home junk food. i know, because it's what she did before. i would ask her not to, and she would say ok; the next day it was back.

looking back, i have to wonder if she was intentionally sabotaging my efforts. it doesn't make sense since she is a size 4 now.... but after i began to obviously look like i'd dropped a person off my butt, she began really derailing my efforts.

the breakup still hurts me. but maybe it happened because it was the only real shot i would get at helping ME. i always do everything for everyone else. maybe this happened so that i could meet my own needs for a change. i guess that makes it so much more important to succeed. i paid dearly for this chance. i can't mess it up.

[alpha femme]

well, today i have a reason to smile.
the reason?
284.

project butt rebeautification looks like it is back on track.
thanks to everyone who encouraged me to hang in there.

i feel like i'm finally doing something just for me. i don't think i've ever done that before. i like it!

[DogMa]

Yay!!! I'm so glad things started moving again for you!! Congrats on staying the course!!

[alpha femme]

you know, it's funny.
i was talking to a friend yeterday, and she commented that i seem really happy. then i went to therapy today (yes, i do that), and SHE said i seem really happy.
i thought about it...
and you know what?
I AM really happy.
MF isn't the only reason by any means, but i realized that it was a part of it, because it has helped my feel like I can control my life. i can make my own decisions. it has helped me know that i do not need to suffer-- at the hands of myself, or food, or another person.

i have my smile back these days. some of the days ahead may be hard, but i'm sure others will be even better.

[alpha femme]

tried the oatmeal today.

o. m. g.

it was like real food.

[alpha femme]

so, today is right about my 4 week mark.
i hopped on the scale (naked-- it scared the hell out of the scale) and read...
282.5.

4 weeks have allowed me to drop 17.5 lbs.

it would have been great to have lost an even 20, but really, 17.5 is a lot of lard. i guess i just have to hope that i can continue to lose at least 15 lbs a months. oddly enough, i was hella hungry yesterday. it was crazy. i hope there aren't too many more days like that!

i think i have some body dismorphia going on. i still feel like i weigh 400lbs. each pound i drop should be reassuring me that i am changing, but i still see the fat load that couldn't even wear pants from the plus size stores anymore. it's not all the time, but it's frequent enough.

[alpha femme]

i went to the anaheim angels game today-- and they are NOT the los angeles angels of anaheim. * good grief *

i went through the turnstile. didn't ask to go around, just tried to calm my nerves and pushed through it. guess what? no jaws of life needed.
when we got to our seats, i sat down... and i fit. now, i'm not saying there was enough room for me and my purse and a small child in the seat-- but I fit. I was comfortable. I wasn't sqeezed in there with the sides of the chair digging into my thighs.

know what else? people looked at me differently... in that they didn't look at me. for an afternoon, i was very, VERY aware that i am not 400lbs anymore. i am not the biggest person out there. i sat there in my old navy jeans and t shirt and realized that most people don't have to cringe when children walk by-- hoping they won't say something humiliating.

and if i stay on plan, i will never have to feel that way again. it was a horrible existance. today, as people walked up and down the aisles, i got smiles and hellos. no one looked at me like i needed to hurry up and get back to the circus.

[SharonR]

wow that is so wonderful for you. Good for you, that really touched me. Keep up the great work.

~ Sharon ~

[mellowmom]

Alex,

Your story really touched me. I can totally identify with the dismorphia! Only, I had the opposite...didn't see how truly overweight I was. Kind of like the opposite of anorexia.

You're doing a great job. Please continue to post your story. It is so inspiring and honest.

Carmel

[DogMa]

Re: body image ... Alex, I fit into size 6 (relaxed, but still) jeans yesterday and I STILL feel like I weigh 200 pounds!!! It takes awhile for your mind to catch up with your body.

And I still think of them as the Anaheim Angels, too. I don't care if the official name has changed.

[Elke]

I agree they are the Anaheim Angles.
Alex I feel what you are saying when you notice people looking at you different. Almost like they are noticing you for the first time. I see it at work, feels good then I need to remind myself that I still have a long ways to go. Not even half way there yet. But I know "yet" will come

[alpha femme]

it's kinda been one of those days. i just feel so sad sometimes.... i guess the good thing is that i don't want to eat when i'm depressed. our addiction to people who aren't good for us is a lot like our addiction to food that isn't good for us....

at least it is in my case.

i posted in what's shakin' about whether or not there are any other family members on here. i hope someone else is.

i also saw there are some other cal state alumni. that rocks. the csu gets so slighted because of the uc system, but my education was first class-- and i've been to a lot of other schools. let's just say that it took me a while to figure out what i want to be when i grow up....

i gotta remember that this is for me. it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. i gotta remember that tomorrow i will probably feel so much better.

i also really need to win the lottery.