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Weight loss,health management and diet program. Terry & Nancy Pettit (Presidential Health Coaches)
Alpha Femme
by alpha femme » August 23rd, 2006, 2:23 pm
ugh. well, some of you who have actually read my blog know how f'ed up my life has been for the last 3 months. it's actually been a lot worse than i've posted, but dignity prevails. i went to court today, and my ex lied like a cheap rug (expected) and the judge did NOT let me show the physical proof i had that she was lying (unexpected). that really sucked. but, everything is done. i'm not exactly happy with the outcome, but it could have been a lot worse.
tragically, it called for a scathing blog entry from miz lilly. hey, she has her own opinions. some of you may read it and hate me, so... don't if you are sensitive. i think some people are just meant to be picked up with a little pooper-scooper and dropped where they can not do any damage. i still feel extremely frustrated because no one realizes that i was the one taking abuse and protecting her. it bothers me that i still care what people i loathe think of me. i also realized that chronic liars start to begin to believe their own lies.... and that's a weird, fascinating thing.
i haven't been able to eat lately, so i'm down to 250. that may bounce up a little, but who knows.
one thing i will say here is that my weight has played a huge part in how i have been treated throughout this ordeal.
people look at her and then me and figure the big one must be the aggressor. the big one must be able to take care of herself. it's amazingly unfair and cruel. i think the jusge thought so. he actually had to say the words, "Miss icantsayyurnameforlegalreasons, you are still under oath. you must answer truthfully." that is a clear indicator that he knew she was lying-- confirmed when she changed her answer and admitted the truth. yet he did not admonish her in any way or let me show the physical proof i brought with me.
when the sheriff serving paperwork to her asked me to confirm our physical stats, he said, "how could someone so little hurt YOU?" I told him that cutting my forehead open with a steak knife was the equalizer. after that, he got it. too bad the judge didn't. i'm not saying it was a washout for me, but the discrimination was obvious. so, anyway. hopefully that part of my life is done. unless, of course, i get hit by a car-- in which case, i'm saying it here, it was probably whatsherface.
tragically, it called for a scathing blog entry from miz lilly. hey, she has her own opinions. some of you may read it and hate me, so... don't if you are sensitive. i think some people are just meant to be picked up with a little pooper-scooper and dropped where they can not do any damage. i still feel extremely frustrated because no one realizes that i was the one taking abuse and protecting her. it bothers me that i still care what people i loathe think of me. i also realized that chronic liars start to begin to believe their own lies.... and that's a weird, fascinating thing.
i haven't been able to eat lately, so i'm down to 250. that may bounce up a little, but who knows.
one thing i will say here is that my weight has played a huge part in how i have been treated throughout this ordeal.
people look at her and then me and figure the big one must be the aggressor. the big one must be able to take care of herself. it's amazingly unfair and cruel. i think the jusge thought so. he actually had to say the words, "Miss icantsayyurnameforlegalreasons, you are still under oath. you must answer truthfully." that is a clear indicator that he knew she was lying-- confirmed when she changed her answer and admitted the truth. yet he did not admonish her in any way or let me show the physical proof i brought with me.
when the sheriff serving paperwork to her asked me to confirm our physical stats, he said, "how could someone so little hurt YOU?" I told him that cutting my forehead open with a steak knife was the equalizer. after that, he got it. too bad the judge didn't. i'm not saying it was a washout for me, but the discrimination was obvious. so, anyway. hopefully that part of my life is done. unless, of course, i get hit by a car-- in which case, i'm saying it here, it was probably whatsherface.
Last edited by alpha femme on August 23rd, 2006, 4:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
- alpha femme
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by alpha femme » August 25th, 2006, 4:31 pm
a fascinating thing has been happening since yesterday....
people i haven't seen in a long time, as well as people i have never met, have been throwing me random, "wow, you look hot" comments. i would be lying if i said it didn't feel good. it's amazing, and i'm grateful to be getting props when i really need them. i still feel like these people must be talking to someone behind me, but...
you know?
it's just that, right after i faced down a really ugly situation (and walked away feeling better than i have in months), people keep telling me i look happier, healthier, and (in the words of one guy) "hott with two t's."
i have to admit that when i'm dressed well, in clothes that fit without being baggy or showing my pudge, my heeled shoes, and light make up... well, i feel like a person. haven't i always been a person? i suppose so, but i often felt like i didn't fit in my own skin. this is giving me confidence. part of it may be because i am distancing myself from the abuse i tolerated for way too long, but i think it is a combination of everything.
i hope the compliments continue. maybe i'll eventually be able to say, "thank you" without a "yeah, but i need to lose a lot more" or "i don't think i look good." i hope i eventually walk into a room and own it the way i used to. believe it or not, at one point had enough self esteem for two people.
two of my friends aske me what i was doing to lose weight. i recommended MF to them. normally, i am open about the plan, but i do not suggest to anyone that they do it. i figure that is a personal choice. i guess, having lost 50# i feel like i want to be able to let people get the same success i have been able to enjoy. i hope to god i keep losing. i think that rebuilding my physical self is directly tied to improving my emotional health. i think i'll talk more about that later....
the girl fom the bbq and last friday's movie invited me to go with her to a gathering of some of her friends in the valley. in a way, that is another affirmation that i look good. women don't bring people they don't find 100% appealing to large groups of friends. i hope they find me just as funny and charming as the first group of friends i met did. i don't want to feel like i have to be "on," but it feels good being able to be myself for a change.
people i haven't seen in a long time, as well as people i have never met, have been throwing me random, "wow, you look hot" comments. i would be lying if i said it didn't feel good. it's amazing, and i'm grateful to be getting props when i really need them. i still feel like these people must be talking to someone behind me, but...
you know?
it's just that, right after i faced down a really ugly situation (and walked away feeling better than i have in months), people keep telling me i look happier, healthier, and (in the words of one guy) "hott with two t's."
i have to admit that when i'm dressed well, in clothes that fit without being baggy or showing my pudge, my heeled shoes, and light make up... well, i feel like a person. haven't i always been a person? i suppose so, but i often felt like i didn't fit in my own skin. this is giving me confidence. part of it may be because i am distancing myself from the abuse i tolerated for way too long, but i think it is a combination of everything.
i hope the compliments continue. maybe i'll eventually be able to say, "thank you" without a "yeah, but i need to lose a lot more" or "i don't think i look good." i hope i eventually walk into a room and own it the way i used to. believe it or not, at one point had enough self esteem for two people.
two of my friends aske me what i was doing to lose weight. i recommended MF to them. normally, i am open about the plan, but i do not suggest to anyone that they do it. i figure that is a personal choice. i guess, having lost 50# i feel like i want to be able to let people get the same success i have been able to enjoy. i hope to god i keep losing. i think that rebuilding my physical self is directly tied to improving my emotional health. i think i'll talk more about that later....
the girl fom the bbq and last friday's movie invited me to go with her to a gathering of some of her friends in the valley. in a way, that is another affirmation that i look good.
women don't bring people they don't find 100% appealing to large groups of friends. i hope they find me just as funny and charming as the first group of friends i met did. i don't want to feel like i have to be "on," but it feels good being able to be myself for a change.- alpha femme
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by JeepGirl » August 25th, 2006, 5:21 pm
Alex!! That is awesome Girl!! I was checking out your pics and can see a major difference..I cant wait to see what you will look like in a few more months!
As for wondering if ppl talk @ the weight loss beforehand..honey I think that too..I drilled my Sister the other night because her husband was talking @ how diff I looked and I didnt believe him
I have realized that someone besides my husband can actually tell...and That My Friend is an awesome feeling!!
Keep up the good work and we can practive saying "Why Thank You" and "Thanks so much." when we get compliments.
We know you look good and it makes me smile to see you realizing it as well! **Hugggs Girlfriend!**
As for wondering if ppl talk @ the weight loss beforehand..honey I think that too..I drilled my Sister the other night because her husband was talking @ how diff I looked and I didnt believe him
I have realized that someone besides my husband can actually tell...and That My Friend is an awesome feeling!!
Keep up the good work and we can practive saying "Why Thank You" and "Thanks so much." when we get compliments.
We know you look good and it makes me smile to see you realizing it as well! **Hugggs Girlfriend!**
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JeepGirl - Preferred Member - #20 Club
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by Elke » August 26th, 2006, 11:01 am
Just trying to catch myself up here...you look amazing girl! I know realizing it is hard, I go through the same thing. People tell me I look good and skinny...I just smile and say, I'm getting there.
You will realize it, I think each time someone looks at you in "that" way, it boost you ego just a bit more.
You will realize it, I think each time someone looks at you in "that" way, it boost you ego just a bit more.
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Elke - Preferred Member - #10 Club
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by alpha femme » August 27th, 2006, 1:03 pm
ah... the need to write coupled with the lack of desire to talk about what's really on my mind. i am really happy to be where i am right now-- weight wise, but i do not plan on staying this heavy or ever being this overweight again.
i was looking up lift ticket rates/season passes for bear mt and snow summit last night as continued motivation. they are really freakin' expensive! i still plan on learning to ride this winter, so i guess i need to budget for it. i'm still 250, but the season is still a couple months away.
this entry will obviously not be linear by any means...
i have realized, acknowledged, and am trying to accept that skin is, and will be, an issue. my thighs are already showing signs of meltage. my arms get flappier every day... and skin weighs a hell of a lot. it's one of the reasons i thought 160 might be an acceptable goal weight. i feel saddened, though, because i know from my ex what my body will look like-- and, trust me, it ain't good.
but i will be able to do anything i want. and since i've always been the one to seek out adventue and try new things, i think i will rock life rather than have it rock me.
when i saw my date for the first time friday night, the first words out of her mouth were, "oh, my god, you look so good." she had just seen me the week before, so it wasn't like anything had changed-- i was just wearing a fitted shirt, and she told me she was impressed with my lack of stomache. i have pudge; i have muffin tops; i have fat rolls. but i guess they aren't as prominent as i thought. when we got to the party and she introduced me to every one, she told 2 of them about my weight loss. at first i didn't know what to do with that, because i don't typically go sharing other people's sh*t, you know? but i quickly realized it was because she was proud and impressed. later, when people kept offering drinks, she got all mama-bear on me and told them no.
again, it took me a while to realize she was just being supportive in the only way she knew how. it was kind of sweet, in a weird way....
added, odd bonus: my date's hot sister hit on me at the end of the evening. seriously. her exact words were that she needed "someone to help me with all this curiosity." ah, yeah. even i (in my newly single, never-gonna-get-serious-again state) would not go there. but it was flattering, just the same. weird... but flattering.
my friend has been dragging me along to l.a. sparks games the last coupe of months. in a series of weird coinciences, we have wound up sitting nex to the same large group of extended family for half of the games we've seen-- and we buy tickets right before the game, so it isn't like we happened to buy the same blocks of seats. last night, the game was in a different arena. sure enough, when we got to our seats, there was my new, seven year old buddy, christian, saying, "i know you guys!"
i need to get out and be social. i need to start actively meeting new people.... but i think i'm too lazy to date. i also live in l.a., vanity capital of the world. maybe i'll feel more up to it in a few months. the thing is, i look in morrors sometimes, and i realize that i am no longer 400#. i'm glad i'm starting to feel like that (at least some of the time) because people have been commenting on how much happier i seem. i don't think that is all weight related, though.... also, have i mentioned that dating women is expensive? oh yeah. especially since i practically had a sugar momma in my past life. i gotta start buying lotto tickets!
i have had bits and broken pieces of a novel in my head for a couple of years. during my court date, some of the pieces began to fit together, and i could see the story taking shape. it was great. by the time i got home, i had a first chapter waiting to come out and match the title i've had in my head forever. if everything happens for a reason (and i have always said this), then maybe this is my catalyst. maybe this is my trojan horse.
maybe this is merely st elmo's fire, and i will wake up on the same desert ed island i have been stranded on for years. then again, i'm an island girl at heart-- and i have been somnolent for years. it's time to wake and surf.
i was looking up lift ticket rates/season passes for bear mt and snow summit last night as continued motivation. they are really freakin' expensive! i still plan on learning to ride this winter, so i guess i need to budget for it. i'm still 250, but the season is still a couple months away.
this entry will obviously not be linear by any means...
i have realized, acknowledged, and am trying to accept that skin is, and will be, an issue. my thighs are already showing signs of meltage. my arms get flappier every day... and skin weighs a hell of a lot. it's one of the reasons i thought 160 might be an acceptable goal weight. i feel saddened, though, because i know from my ex what my body will look like-- and, trust me, it ain't good.
but i will be able to do anything i want. and since i've always been the one to seek out adventue and try new things, i think i will rock life rather than have it rock me.
when i saw my date for the first time friday night, the first words out of her mouth were, "oh, my god, you look so good." she had just seen me the week before, so it wasn't like anything had changed-- i was just wearing a fitted shirt, and she told me she was impressed with my lack of stomache. i have pudge; i have muffin tops; i have fat rolls. but i guess they aren't as prominent as i thought. when we got to the party and she introduced me to every one, she told 2 of them about my weight loss. at first i didn't know what to do with that, because i don't typically go sharing other people's sh*t, you know? but i quickly realized it was because she was proud and impressed. later, when people kept offering drinks, she got all mama-bear on me and told them no.
again, it took me a while to realize she was just being supportive in the only way she knew how. it was kind of sweet, in a weird way....
added, odd bonus: my date's hot sister hit on me at the end of the evening. seriously. her exact words were that she needed "someone to help me with all this curiosity." ah, yeah. even i (in my newly single, never-gonna-get-serious-again state) would not go there. but it was flattering, just the same. weird... but flattering.
my friend has been dragging me along to l.a. sparks games the last coupe of months. in a series of weird coinciences, we have wound up sitting nex to the same large group of extended family for half of the games we've seen-- and we buy tickets right before the game, so it isn't like we happened to buy the same blocks of seats. last night, the game was in a different arena. sure enough, when we got to our seats, there was my new, seven year old buddy, christian, saying, "i know you guys!"
i need to get out and be social. i need to start actively meeting new people.... but i think i'm too lazy to date. i also live in l.a., vanity capital of the world. maybe i'll feel more up to it in a few months. the thing is, i look in morrors sometimes, and i realize that i am no longer 400#. i'm glad i'm starting to feel like that (at least some of the time) because people have been commenting on how much happier i seem. i don't think that is all weight related, though.... also, have i mentioned that dating women is expensive? oh yeah. especially since i practically had a sugar momma in my past life. i gotta start buying lotto tickets!
i have had bits and broken pieces of a novel in my head for a couple of years. during my court date, some of the pieces began to fit together, and i could see the story taking shape. it was great. by the time i got home, i had a first chapter waiting to come out and match the title i've had in my head forever. if everything happens for a reason (and i have always said this), then maybe this is my catalyst. maybe this is my trojan horse.
maybe this is merely st elmo's fire, and i will wake up on the same desert ed island i have been stranded on for years. then again, i'm an island girl at heart-- and i have been somnolent for years. it's time to wake and surf.
- alpha femme
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by alpha femme » August 27th, 2006, 3:53 pm
just because i sometimes go back and check things here, i want to post that it took me 3 months and week to lose 50#.
my
lost 230# in 13 months after gastric bypass (but started at 400).
the point? mf has me losing weight at ust under the bypass rate-- without the bypass. i know it will have to slow down as i get closer to goal, but i think the point is that it is working and i shouldn't be as discouraged as i often am.
hopefully, i will look back at this in a few months and smile because i have continued to succeed. what do i mean, "hopefully"?
my
lost 230# in 13 months after gastric bypass (but started at 400).
the point? mf has me losing weight at ust under the bypass rate-- without the bypass. i know it will have to slow down as i get closer to goal, but i think the point is that it is working and i shouldn't be as discouraged as i often am.
hopefully, i will look back at this in a few months and smile because i have continued to succeed. what do i mean, "hopefully"?
- alpha femme
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by DogMa » August 28th, 2006, 10:17 am
And on Medifast, you learn healthier habits. That doesn't seem to be true of gastric bypass (at least from the one person I've met - in person, not here - who has had it; she ate beef jerky and candy in small amounts all day long).
You're doing great, Alex!
You're doing great, Alex!
Robin
203/130/130
Reached goal in August 2006
Added BodyBugg in May 2009
New ticker: 136.6/123.2/130
203/130/130
Reached goal in August 2006
Added BodyBugg in May 2009
New ticker: 136.6/123.2/130
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DogMa - Preferred Member - 70# Club
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