While I'm sitting here for the next 45 minutes doing my compression boot therapy, I decided I would write down a little about me so you can get to know Jen. I'm doing this for times in the future when I need a good swift kick in the butt for whining. As much as I hate whining, I am guilty of it and I can be the queen of excuses.
Without getting into childhood issues and all that stuff, we'll just say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I used to take pride in how far I've come with my life and how well I handle things. But it seems I wasn't handling stuff as well as I thought I was or I wouldn't find myself with almost 300 pounds on my 5'1" frame.
I grew up thin, but in the post-Twiggy days of the 1970s, even if you were thin, you thought you were fat. Truth be told, I was about 112 pounds growing up and well into my 20s Partying put weight on me and I got up to about 120, which is still cool. I have good muscle tone and can handle it. In fact, at 127 (the last "skinny" weight I remember being in 1984) I looked fine. But stuff came back to haunt me in the 1980s and rather than face it head on, I stuffed the bad feelings down with food. I could put away some food, let me tell you! I entered an eating disorders clinic in 1987 and spent Christmas as an inpatient. I came out of there with the label "compulsive overeater.' I HATE LABELS!
In 1999, I was up to 260 pounds. I moved to Houston the first time in 1984 at 127 pounds and left Houston for Colorado in 1998 to get married at 227 pounds. 100 pounds gained in 14 years! Then I gained 33 pounds in an unhappy marriage. Can you say miserable. In September 1999, I started the Atkins Diet and lost 37 pounds in six weeks, then found out about the Body for Life challenge and started that in January 2000, losing another 13 pounds. I was down to 209 pounds, got divorced, started dating and I had just a small glimpse of what it was like being "thin." At 209 I was by no stretch of the imagination skinny, but I looked much less than 209 because I had been weight training. Unfortunately, after the divorce, I felt very alone. My best friend got divorced when I did, but (stupidly) married again right away and moved to Texas. I didn't handle being alone in a place where I really didn't have any friends. Then 18 months later, my mom died, my law firm closed and I just shut down. I stopped working out and never left the house, except for work. My knees started going bad around this time and it hurt to work out anyway. I found another job, got laid off when my boss went on maternity leave, so I found another job and hated the law firm. I decided to move back to Houston and left that job and moved back here in August 2003. I ended up losing my first job since moving back, but it was a blessing because I'm with a great firm now and got a $6,500 raise by changing jobs
Fast forward to 2005, as in 2004, I do nothing. I have no life to speak of. I work, come home, veg in front of the TV with whatever fast food I've picked up on the way home. I finally hit the wall a few weeks ago and when I saw a MediFast commercial, I remember how well I did on it in 1987 and "knew" that this was the right program and the right time for me. It's not a matter of wanting to lose weight to look good anymore. I have high blood pressure, lymphedema, osteoarthritis in my knees. I've been blessed in that I've managed to dodge the bullet of diabetes and all my blood work is good. My triglycerides are a little high and my bad cholesterol is a little high and the good cholesterol a little low, but my total cholesterol is under 200. Exercise will take care of that.
I have no reason whatsoever that I can't do this, no reason to fail. Like Berkshire Girl said, losing weight, dieting, is a mental thing and that's so true. It wasn't just my mouth that got me fat, it was 95% my head and looking to food to solve my problems. Food is one thing, fuel for the body. It doesn't solve your problems.If you want to change anything, you have to change your mind. My favorite phrase is "insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Change your mind, change your life! I know I had the make the decision to change, to lose this weight, to exercise when I'm able and to get healthy.
So when I get my food and I start on this journey, I am going to be brutally honest with how I'm handling this. I have no illusions that it's going to be a cake walk. Not eating solid food is tough, but I know it can be done and I'm going to do it. Succesfully. If you hear any whining from me, I want you to call me on it, ok?