The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[nickieluv]

Thanks. Today makes a loss of 7.2 pounds in three days. I love the first week. Too bad it doesn't always go that fast, but it will be interesting to see what really can happen when you don't cheat.

I'm going to kick hubby's a** in our Biggest Loser challenge. He's trying to do his own kind of diet plan and depend mostly on exercise to lose weight. But he has said he might give MF a week if that doesn't work. He's tried everything else, pretty much, so MF is worth a shot for him. However, if he goes on it, I will no longer be guaranteed a win so maybe I should shut up about it. Just kidding - the sooner he feels healthy and good about himself, the sooner he'll probably be willing to wait on baby #3 so I can have a year of recovery time. As I've said, if it's now or never I'll get pregnant now - but I want to experience a normal pregnancy starting from an ideal weight. I want the chance to be a cute pregnant woman, not an enormous one. Not until the 8th month, at least - then I can be enormous.

Hubby just feels old. He's 12 years older than I am and friends his age have grown children in college, and are pretty free, while he's still tied down with young kids. All my friends have kids the same age as mine, so it's not the same for me. I can understand him wanting freedom - he had a child in his first marriage, and then had freedom for a few years (my stepson is 17 and a senior in high school) and then we started having kids so now it's back to nights at home for him. As they get older we can go out again, and do things as a couple, but he misses that. Honestly, I miss it, too. Another good reason to lose weight - I'll be more willing to leave the house. But even just being on MF I feel better about going out, because I know I'm doing something about it and it makes me feel good about myself.

First big challenge will be a Halloween party on November 1st. We've been before, and it's a big food-and-drink fest. Perfect setup for binging on both food and alcohol, which I've done. But I have lots of time to gear up for that challenge - I can have just as much fun drinking diet soda and making fun of the drunk people. I just have to prepare for it because it would be easy to feel like I'm missing out. Especially the candy - my God, they have huge bowls of it out there all night long. I might bring my own L&G in some portable fashion (cubed chicken and some raw veggie) that I can dip in dressing and munch on all night. But here I go future-tripping again - lots of time to plan this out.

Just happy to be on track and seeing success. Nice to be proud of myself every once in a while.

[nickieluv]

So this has nothing to do with weight loss - or maybe it does in some way I can't fathom yet - but I wanted to document an 'aha' moment I had today.

I was saying that I'm OK with the whole BF'ing thing and if it ends, it ends, and I'm happy. So, it hit me out of nowhere tonight that the reason I'm OK with it if it ends is because my daughter is now old enough that she can interact with me - smile, laugh, show her pleasure at my company. And before, BF'ing was the only way I had to connect with her, I felt. It was our only bond. Now that we have more, I can let the other go. I still enjoy nursing, but I feel like it's not going to last too much longer, and that's fine. I can do what I need for me, and still be a great mom and provide for my girls. It's not selfish of me to get healthy. I can be better for them and do more for them if I'm feeling great.

Today my older daughter wanted to go outside and play on her swingset. Often I would distract her or ask her to wait until her father got home and could take her out (I didn't want to get up or move). Today, the instant she asked I immediately said 'yes, go get your shoes!' and grabbed the baby and out we went. It feels wonderful to feel empowered and strong and in control and - dare I say it? - happy!!

[DogMa]

Yay! (And btw, swinging and climbing and all that is great exercise, assuming it's a sturdy swing set.)

And heck, the party's more than a month away. Think about the sexier costume you'll be able to fit in by then.

[nickieluv]

So I was all set to come on here and say 'I blew it' but I didn't blow it. I made a bad choice but I am recovering from it and not making it an excuse to binge all day.

I was great for my first two meals, although I got a later start on my meals today (not within the first hour after waking) and perhaps that set me up to feel extra hungry. I just stared and stared at my daughter's grapes forever and then finally gave in. About 40 grapes I would guess. And then I had a HUGE bowl of peanut butter crunch cereal. That was at about - I don't know? - 2-ish perhaps? So then my impulse was to eat nothing else the rest of the day to 'make up for' my slip. But I figure that's not the right thing to do, either, because then tomorrow I'll be ravenous and probably make the same mistake again. So I'm going to have a meal in a couple minutes here (about 6pm) and then another one before bed (around 9).

I took my daughter to the big community playground just now, and on the way back offered to get my husband fast food - turned out that didn't happen. Then on the way home the neighborhood ice cream stand was open, and I actually did a u-turn to go back to it (not as dangerous as it sounds because we are rural even on our main street!) with the thought of 'I deserve it, the last soft serve of the season, I've been bad today anyway.' But I got my daughter some ice cream (comfort food, after her being so sick and hardly eating anything at all for four days - I thought the calories couldn't hurt although I'm sure there were better options) and got nothing for myself.

So, this seems like progress, no?

[nickieluv]

And yes, it's a VERY sturdy swing-set. My husband and I can both swing on it, and it shakes a bit, but it's made of heavy 2 by 4s.

[katieb920]

Hola sister,

Like you have always told me just get back on it. Which you did. Good for you. I am here. It has been a little busy with work.

[nickieluv]

Thanks Katie. Not sure why, but I haven't eaten yet today and I needed to read something telling me to get my butt in gear or I was going to go off again. Well, maybe not, I like to think I would have been smart enough to get on by myself - but your comment sure helped. Off to have - something MF-ish, probably cocoa.

[nickieluv]

*sigh*

What a disappointment to have to come here hanging my head in shame - again.

I did have two meals on-plan today - then just lost it, for no reason. Well, sure there was a reason - I could blame it on lots of things I guess. I suppose in the end I just wasn't strong enough to get out of my own way.

We are still planning the Disney vacation - we didn't book right away last month and my idea for how long to go has changed a little, so the package price has gone up a few hundred dollars. It's going to be tight affording it. I need to eBay some things and if it all sells I could bring in maybe $1000, if I really get serious about purging my jewelry boxes. This vacation will bring me more memories and pleasure I'm sure than a bunch of jewelry I never even wear. But still, it's hard to part with it. Of course, just one ring I have is worth that $1000, but no one will pay that on eBay. Sadly.

On the plus side, there's an area piano teacher moving out-of-state who wants to send me all her kids. I don't know how many she has, but even one would be a decent amount of money per month. I'm thinking she has like 5 kids. I have to get in touch with her but I don't want to seem pushy, so I'm kind of waiting for her to e-mail or call me. I know she got my info from one of my students' parents. I'll give her till Monday I guess. If she does have 5 kids, that would be another $100 a week for us. Nice.

So now back to the diet. Nothing I had - well, scratch that, I was going to say nothing I had was as good as I thought it would be - but the pizza was good. The ice cream, my usual weakness, was disappointing. And my weigh-in this week is going to be disappointing, too, I bet.

I got off-topic talking about money but I was going to say that thinking about the vacation, I could either be this weight or higher, OR I could be 20 or more pounds lighter. The vacation is in 21 weeks, so 20 pounds is pretty conservative (if I really get going here and stop cheating). I could definitely be under 200 pounds, and with some exercise thrown in who knows how much farther I could go? We just had an amusement park experience a few weeks ago where I needed help to get out of a ride because my balance is awful, and when in the ride I couldn't use the safety belt even at its max size. Pathetic. Do I want that to happen again at Disney? No way!! Even down in the 190s I felt smallish and more normal, in a size 14/16. I could be there again in time for vacation, and then some.

So - what motivation? Mickey Mouse ears on the fridge? Fat picture on the fridge? Looking forward is better for me than looking back - having pictures of my fatness around tends to depress rather than motivate me, personally. I'm going to see if I can get a Disney screensaver or something, or even make my own by downloading shots of the parks and resort into my photo file. I sit up all night doing nothing productive anyway, I might as well do this.

So, I'll go make my montage - and tomorrow is a new and fresh day, and maybe if I hit the water hard in addition to maxing out my momentum and staying on-plan, I can salvage the weigh-in Sunday. Here's hoping!

[DogMa]

Hey, Nickie, just dropping in to say hi and I hope things are going better for you.

[nickieluv]

Well, I took off 8.2 pounds in 4 days, and then in the following 4 days put them all back on. Back on plan today, doing what I can do, one day at a time. So not sure things are going better, but they are going.

[katesmom]

Hi Nickie !
I am back too....Have had a great "on-plan" day and can't wait to have my last 2 shakes and go to bed !

Ordered more bars which helps me a lot and can't wait for ther new ones that will be out in November !!!!

Persevere !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)

[Tawanda]

Nickie, remember you don't have to look so far ahead (thinking 100 days), just make it through 2.5-3.0 hours to your next supplement. Next thing you know, you'll be through a day. I know you know this.....but some times it becomes 'too big and too hard' when you look at a big picture.......try narrowing your focus and just make it through to the next supplement.

You can do this!

[nickieluv]

Thank you everybody for checking in on me - and thanks, Tawanda, for the insight. It makes a lot of sense. I think I do this on purpose - set these big goals, and set myself up for failure. It seems whenever I tell myself I'm going to do something, I right away find an excuse to not do it instead.

Disney is a good goal but I've got to get through day 1 before I can get through day 2. That's what you're saying, right? So simple that I should know it already, but I just don't put it into practice.

I sort of wanted to be on-plan today - that 'sort of' says it all. I wasn't committed. Now I'm blaming it on not having the supplements I want, but in reality it's me that's the problem. And in my mind I'm telling myself I'm going to mess with the program, do 6 and 0 and then have one cheat day a week - like that's ever going to work. With me, 1 cheat day becomes a lifetime really easily. Hence, I am still not on plan.

Tomorrow I begin again. The kids are getting better (sickness in our house this week) and tomorrow is Friday and I'm going to really try harder to get on the treadmill because I think exercising will help me stay on plan. Baby is big enough now to go in the swing, and my older daughter can play or color or watch a show, and even if I only get 15 minutes it's better than nothing. I keep thinking if I can't set aside an hour for exercise then it's not worth even trying. Totally familiar thinking for me, but it always keeps me from reaching my goals because I never even start, waiting for everything to be perfect.

I can see myself now as a thin person. I had a taste of it when I got under 200 - that was a huge milestone for me and gave me an idea of where I could go. But I can literally see myself as a thin person if I stand in front of the mirror and take off my glasses and squint. I can only focus on the middle so my edges blur and I look like I'm in great shape. It's fun to do sometimes. But let's make it a reality with my glasses on, too, right?!?!

[nickieluv]

So how funny is it that Tawanda says 'don't make such grandiose goals' and I say 'you're absolutely right' and then I go and sign on to the Halloween challenge two minutes later?

I am going to shoot for all of October on plan, since I bought the cheapest costume I could find and that means it doesn't quite fit (but so close!), but no more challenges for me. It's just not a good scene. The offer of the s'mores bars is still good, though, if no one wants to trade/buy them.

Hanging in over here - had a great day today with the kids, but was totally off plan. I'll get back on - I know it works - I'm just wallowing a bit.

[nickieluv]

Boy, when you get off, it sure is hard to get back on! In a way, because MF works so well, I stay off longer than I should. I live in secret fear (I guess it's not a secret any more though, huh? ) that I will one day try to stick to plan and it will stop working - my body will adjust to even such a low calorie plan and I will never lose the weight.

Every day I think 'just one more day and then I'll start.' Well, I've started today and I HAVE to keep going. I am actually above my starting weight! Ack! I just need to get serious and get out of bargaining mode and realize that every day I wait is another day I spend fat instead of thin. The program works as written - I am not a doctor or a scientist and I have no right to fiddle with it. So, I am on plan today, and staying on plan for all of October, and if heaven forbid I fall off the wagon, it won't be the end of the line for a week at a time.

On my way to there being less of me for Florida to see.